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      "title": "Journal From a Submariner XIV",
      "body": "DATE 13SEP10, TIME 2346\nWhat would I do if anything happened to you? Better question, what could I do? I couldn’t do anything, another down side to being on a submarine. If you were injured I couldn’t be there to help you, if you were killed I might not make it back in time for your funeral. Why must this place keep us from those we love, why must the world be at war? \nI decided not to read the bible if I hadn’t already told you. I read the first part of it and realized it wasn’t for me. That book is the reason why I’m here, well in a very obscure way. Every country thinks their religion is correct, but who’s to say what’s right and what’s false in a book of fiction. Who really knows if all that shit happened? \nBack to the second question, what could I do? I don’t know what I would do. I would have to stay down here for another two weeks knowing you were hurt laid up in a bed somewhere, me not there to care for you. I need to stop thinking of that because it truly scares me; I sometimes lay in my rack for hours thinking of that. I then get very scared and start breathing heavy because honestly I am helpless down here. I am stuck on a sewer pipe in the middle of the ocean.  \nThis place is so unhealthy. We live on a long black shit pipe, with a nuclear reactor 40 feet from our racks. The only thing separating us from it is a tank filled with fuel. There are things in every space that could create a fire. We produce hydrogen on a daily basis. We wake up eat; sit on watch for 6 hours while the food just sits in our stomachs. We get off watch, eat, then go back and sit in one spot cleaning for 2 hours while the food sits in our stomachs. Then we go to sleep sometimes working out, but honestly how much of this crap food can you can work off in 30 min. All the while we are breathing fake air. What the fuck, whose brilliant idea was this? \nLove you, forever and always, love babe.",
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      "body": "DATE 13SEP10, TIME 1535\nWhen is the last time you knocked on someone’s front door? When is the last time you heard someone’s voice over the phone? When you’re down below the surface of the ocean looking out a digital window the size of a computer monitor, this is what you think of. I was watching a movie today and a guy walks up to a door and knocks. His brother answers, they laugh, and are happy to see each other. \nBeing on a submarine is like walking up to someone’s door and not having enough, enough of something, something I can’t put into words. They see you through the peephole. Waiting for you to knock, but you can’t. Your words are lost in the space between you. You don’t know where to begin; you don’t know how to bridge that gap that has been created since your last encounter. These are the things I am afraid of. Will I be able to engage in a conversation with you the way I once did? Will I completely forget how to talk to you? It has been so long since I touched you, since I looked into your eyes. I am doing my duty to my country, the one I volunteered to serve, yet I can’t stop thinking of the regret I have for doing this. \nBy completing my contract I may be pulling away from you. I am in another world, one you will never be able to understand, or comprehend. You will never be able to fully grasp the way I think while I am down here, just as I won’t be able to feel how you do while I’m gone. We are living two completely separate lives right now. \nOur marriage is on hold, and all we can do is hope that the time we have spent together has made us strong enough to last. I know you are all I think about. I have a picture of you I laminated, one because I read that book by Nicholas Sparks, and two because I found the picture after I read it. \nI was going through some stuff I found in my locker and I found that bible I got from Uncle Clay and I was using the picture of us kissing the day we got married as a bookmark. I laminated it and I carry it in my chest pocket always. \nLove you, forever and always, love babe.",
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