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      "author": "steemitboard",
      "body": "Congratulations @br3akingfr33! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@br3akingfr33/birthday2.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 2 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@br3akingfr33) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=br3akingfr33)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "Homeless.\nHomefree\nThey are so similar.\nYou don't have a set place of your own.\nNo obligations.\nNo where you have to go.\nWide open space.\nPossibilities.\nHave to get creative to acquire the necessities.\n\nWhat is the difference?\nWhen you are homeless versus homefree, how do you see?\nDo you see the open doors and opportunities? \nDo you focus on the blessings? \n\nWell...the obvious difference is evident in the language.\n-Free.\nvs.\n-Less.\nOne signifies lack. \nAnd one abundance.\n\nIt is a mindset.\nOne of shame and hopelessness or acceptance and empowerment.\n\nDuring my time living nomidically,\nthere have been times where I was homeLESS and times where I have been homeFREE.\nSometimes, actually often times, within the same day. \nAnd it's  very humbling.\n\nBy the way, right now as I write this, I am free.\nShame has no hold on me. \nI have everything I need.\n\nIt's important to see,\nwherever I may be,\nwherever I may sleep,\nthat It's from my own choosing.\nAnd that,\n that,\n that choice, \nis KEY.\n\nI get to choose to accept where I am at along this journey.\nWhether it's alone on a sidewalk under the shade of a tree. Or in a brewery.\n\nThere were times where it felt like I had no other option.\nThose times were trying.\nNow that I have met friends in the city, \nand have even been blessed with a place for my tent outside of the city, It expands my freedom of CHOICE for where to sleep.\n\nI can choose not to be the victim of life.\nI can choose to make the best of everything.\nI can choose to be satisfied with the \"simple things.\"\nAnd I can choose to stay in town after a magical and late night and sleep in my car outside of the Hopey...\n\nMy heart goes out to those that have had it rough, that are injured, labeled etc.\nMy heart goes out to those that no longer believe.\nThose who have seen so much hardship and grief.\nThey feel their joy has been stolen as if life snagged the carpet from under their feet.\nThose that blame. \nAnd don't take Responsibility.\nComplain.\nAre paralyzed by shame.\nAnd end up in the streets.\n\nMy heart goes out to them cause that was me.\nI lived in houses.\nBut I was \"homeless.\"\n\nSo many years of my life.\nYou couldn't tell from the outside.\nWhat is a home if not where love resides?\nIf home is where the heart is,\nThe residents in mine were pain, shame and grief.\n\nComparing.\nNot feeling good enough.\nNot feeling worthy of love.\nNot Feeling like I mattered or had anything of value to offer or say.\nFeeling like if I found love or joy, it would slip away.\nNot embracing the rain. \nNot understanding the pain.\nAnd ooooh was there pain.\n\nThere were wounds lodged deep within creating patches of darkness. \nMy happiness was based on my circumstances.\n\nAnd sometimes, Life was \"great!\"\nBut with so many empty spaces inside\neven the good times were challenging to truly appreciate.\n\nI was restless.\nAlways waiting.\nThese ever present dark clouds looming,  following me around, shading the brightness.\nDimming the light, creating a heaviness so I wouldn't step into my greatness. \n\nNow that I look back, I realize I was choosing that.\nThe little girl inside was afraid.\nAfraid of what other would think.\nAnd guess what,\nShe sometimes still is.\nThis life I am choosing.\nIt is NOT easy.\nIt is not easy to live LOUDly.\nBoldly.\nTo express yourself, Colorfully.\nIn this society.\nTo care so so deeply.\nAbout so many things.\nAll of life and her beings.\nTo feel all of the suffering that so many choose not to see.\nAnd to care about every body else and THEIR feelings.\nAt the cost of my own sanity.\nAlways smile because I don't want them to take my pained emotional state personally. \n\nTo feel like you're just FLOATING.\nIt's been incredibly challenging.\nTesting.\n\nBut now that I've made the DECISION\nto not neglect that little girl in me,\nto not deny or ignore her feelings,\nto honor her and love her unconditionally. \nAnd importantly, I am learning what that even means!\n\nShe finally FREE.\nWhy?\nIM LETTING HER BE.\n\nAll she ever wanted was so be heard.\nTo be seen.\nI kept running from distraction to distraction,\nto fill in the voids instead of addressing her needs.\nTo avoid facing her feelings.\n\nShe was homeless.\nAnd relentless.\nShe was fighting.\nShe was never at ease.\n\nPatches of intense highs were followed by patches of intense depression.\nSearching.\nSeeking.\nLacking this solid foundation.\nThe foundation that is unrelated and unnattached to our circumstance whether it's perceived as \"good\" or \"bad.\"\n\nI stand my ground\nLive life with open arms\nI put my hand over my heart,\nhonor the child who is sensitive.\nSmart. \nThat loves to make connections.\nThat loves love.\nLove touch. Loves hugs.\nSo much. \nThat she can get offended easily.\nThe girl that loves to dance.\nSing.\nBreathe.\nBut sometimes gets insecure\nand down on herself.\nAnd forgets her divinity.\n\nBUT\nI CHOOSE ME.\nMy wellbeing is priority.\nSo what do I do when I feel like disappearing? \nWhen doubt is coloring my reality? \n\nIf I don't have a big mirror handy to talk to myself,\nThen I can either record myself talking or CALL A FRIEND!\nTo listen. \nOthers can be our reflection.\nI don't complain.\nI observe.\nI recognize how I am feeling.\nI validate my emotions.\nThe thoughts I am having that are causing a discrepancy.\nAm I focusing on what I am not? On what I don't have? Or on my blessings?\n\nand I STAND UP.\nI RELEASE.\nTOUGH LOVE.\nI WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO ACT LIKE A VICTIM.\nLOOK AT ME.\nLOOK AT ME.\nGET UP.\nNo more lies.\nYou are here.\nand you are alive.\nStand up tall.\nShake it off.\n\n\n I ALLOW myself to release.\nHowever it may be.\nDepending on the intensity.\nthose thoughts are NOT serving me.\nAnd I open space to allow. \nLove to heal me.\n\nYOU ARE STRONG.\nYou have the tools.\nYou know what has to be done.\nWhether it's positive self talk \nand affirmations.\nMovement release. \nHumor-that's a big one.\nI'm..sorta kinda funny...🤓\n\nYOU ARE READY.\nAnd your time is NOW.\n\nNOW\nI see \nthe ebb and flow.\nThat there is a purpose for each low.\nand understand that the contrast is vital.\nI recognize that joy and pain are of the same.\nA state of BEING.\nNOW\nI AM CHOOSING ME OVER CHOOSING SHAME.\nAND GOD DOES It FEEL GOOD.\nSo FREEING. \nI have everything I could need.\nAS LONG AS I HAVE ME❤️ \nI don't always Know how to interact with everyone\nwhen All I want is to just to live among\nbrothers and sisters,\nliving as one,\nI don't always do the \"best\"\nI don't always know how to get everyone to dance,\nI am forever learning.\nGrowing.\nWhat I can do, is just keep being.\nAnd when in doubt, \nI will KEEP SMILING.\nAnd maybe sometime soon, we will all shake off whatever is holding us back \nand dance the dance of the universe,\nsing the song of the flowers and trees.\nLet go \nof the internal struggle \n like the fall leaves.\nKnow\nHappiness cannot be pursued.\nbut created.\nPlant seeds.\nGet out of our heads and listen to the voice of truth and spirit.\nLet In Life. Feel the breeze.\nand Unite as one tribe.\nOne family.\n\nI am embracing\nthat I can be Homefree,\nand WEALTHY.\n\nMy wealth is in my experiences.\nMy connections.\nMy relationships.\nIn wisdom.\nIn knowledge.\nMy wealth is in my freedom.\nFreedom to express my self.\nTo fill this empty space with what I wish.\nWith what brings me joy.\n\n\nEmbrace.\nAll of life.\nStrength. \nLies.\nOn the other side\nof pain.",
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      "body": "For years, I’ve witness my parents bicker and nitpick at each other.\nJust tonight, my dad didn’t feel like making food so he said he isn’t hungry. \nSo my mom makes a point to repeat a few times that we are gonna make food but “your dad isn’t hungry.”\nWhen we made some tacos, we put one for my dad, and he was gonna eat it.\nMy mom then says, “ I thought you weren’t hungry.”\nEverything is semi-sarcastic but with a tint of button pushing. \n“Well, if you’re gonna force me to eat it then I will.”\nMom: “No one is forcing you.”\nSo my dad gave up and left.\n\n\nThe whole thing was unnecessary giving of shit to each other. And a display of their stubbornness.\nSomething that was normazlied throughout my life.\nOver the years, I did see more loving behaviors develop, which made me so happy and relieved to see, since they stayed married despite major challenges.\nBut this seemingly manipulative and imature behavior is disappointing.\n\nEspecially now that I see their patterns carrying into my own relationships. \n\nNot only did I give uneccesary shit and felt that nitpicking is a normal and acceptable part of a loving relationship, I discouraged when I should have been supportive.\nI blamed when I should have taken responsibility.\n\nAll my life, I saw my dad blaming every one else for juan struggles.\nI was very aware of this.\nBut for some reason, when I adopted the pattern, I couldn’t see it.\nHe gives me advice but doesn’t role model it.\n\nSo I pushed away the love of my life wit my judgements and criticisms that stems from lack of self love and a fear of of intimacy. \n\nNow, I’m propelled on a self-growth and discovery path.\nIt’s painful.\nFacing how I’ve made him feel.\nhow he feels self-conscious and can’t fully be himself around me.\nHow he feels like he isn’t worthy of my love or good enough for me.\nThat he is my back-up.\nThat as soon as I “catch him”, the thrill is gone and I begin taking him for granted.\nI’ve disrespected him.\nMade him feel small.\nCalled out every single mistake \nGot upset when he didn’t love me the way I thought I should be loved, \nwhen he didn’t dress how I wanted him to.\nJudged him when he expressed anything that I was too insecure about in myself to express.\n\nHe didn’t communicate clear emotional boundaries- so I crossed every single untold one.\nI dominated the relation and he submitted...because he loved/s me unconditionally.\nBecause he cares so deeply. \nSupports me no matter what.\nWould do anything for me.\nEncourages me, praises me, makes me feel like a goddess.\n\nI thought I had him forever...\n\nIt might sound like our relationship was all abusive...\nIt wasn’t.\nAt times, It was incredibally beautiful and inspiring.\nWe care deeply for the earth, and would do what we could to be of service.\nWe had amazing and deep conversations.\nWe had so many good times just being goofy and free.\nWe laughed. \ndanced.\nSang.\nOur love was powerful, profound, strong. \nBut underneath,\nI was scared to lose myself in it.\nIn the relationship.\nI was scared to fully give my heart...\nwhat if I lose him?\nI was afraid to be vulnerable- to let him hold me when times were tough.\nInstead, I woke avoids that by fighting.\nI would attempt to see how much he cares by pushing him away and seeing how hard he would try to get me back.\nToo many times we went back and forth.\nI thought I could change. I told him I would.\nI hated hurting him.\nI knew it stemmed from insecurity and wounds.\nBut every time, the same patterns were repeated.\n\nWe were closer then ever..\nhe wanted to marry me..Down the line of course.\nI almost lost him on our recent trip- he had had enough.\nBut our love is irresistible.\nBut once I knew I had him fully in love with me again,\nthe disinterest started to seep in.. again.\n\nHe flew home.\nI realized how incredible he is when he left...as usual.\nAnd the next day, he met someone at work.\nThey have so much in common.\nfast forward two weeks...\nthey’re in love. \nAnd he isn’t sure about us anymore.\nHe’s coming to realie how I made him feel so often and how that isn’t okay.\n\nI always yelled at him to stand up for himself when I was giving him shit and putting him down...\nI did not expect that this would be how he finally shows himself that he loves himself.\n\nThe pain was excruciating.\nI mourned.\nThen we talked. I felt better. \nHe told me about their blossoming relationship.\nI fell back into my hole.\nMost recently, on my birthday and the night before, we talked for hours.\nIt was amazing sharing myself with him.\nhaving him as a friend.\nOpening up.\nExplaining how my traumas have instilled a fear of love and loss.\nI know we can make it works\nI’m working on myself, going to therapy, healing.\nI was hopeful.\n\nBut today, \nafter he meditated, he saw how all of my behaviors had affected his comfort level around me.\nThat he can’t just discount how this other woman makes him feel.\nAnd that he isn’t ready to see or reunite with me.\n\nThis is the separation.\nIf we come back together,\nit will be EPIC.\nElectric.\nIt will be fate.",
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      "body": "For years, I’ve witness my parents bicker and nitpick at each other.\nJust tonight, my dad didn’t feel like making food so he said he isn’t hungry. \nSo my mom makes a point to repeat a few times that we are gonna make food but “your dad isn’t hungry.”\nWhen we made some tacos, we put one for my dad, and he was gonna eat it.\nMy mom then says, “ I thought you weren’t hungry.”\nEverything is semi-sarcastic but with a tint of button pushing. \n“Well, if you’re gonna force me to eat it then I will.”\nMom: “No one is forcing you.”\nSo my dad gave up and left.\n\n\nThe whole thing was unnecessary giving of shit to each other. And a display of their stubbornness.\nSomething that was normazlied throughout my life.\nOver the years, I did see more loving behaviors develop, which made me so happy and relieved to see, since they stayed married despite major challenges.\nBut this seemingly manipulative and imature behavior is disappointing.\n\nEspecially now that I see their patterns carrying into my own relationships. \n\nNot only did I give uneccesary shit and felt that nitpicking is a normal and acceptable part of a loving relationship, I discouraged when I should have been supportive.\nI blamed when I should have taken responsibility.\n\nAll my life, I saw my dad blaming every one else for juan struggles.\nI was very aware of this.\nBut for some reason, when I adopted the pattern, I couldn’t see it.\nHe gives me advice but doesn’t role model it.\n\nSo I pushed away the love of my life wit my judgements and criticisms that stems from lack of self love and a fear of of intimacy. \n\nNow, I’m propelled on a self-growth and discovery path.\nIt’s painful.\nFacing how I’ve made him feel.\nhow he feels self-conscious and can’t fully be himself around me.\nHow he feels like he isn’t worthy of my love or good enough for me.\nThat he is my back-up.\nThat as soon as I “catch him”, the thrill is gone and I begin taking him for granted.\nI’ve disrespected him.\nMade him feel small.\nCalled out every single mistake \nGot upset when he didn’t love me the way I thought I should be loved, \nwhen he didn’t dress how I wanted him to.\nJudged him when he expressed anything that I was too insecure about in myself to express.\n\nHe didn’t communicate clear emotional boundaries- so I crossed every single untold one.\nI dominated the relation and he submitted...because he loved/s me unconditionally.\nBecause he cares so deeply. \nSupports me no matter what.\nWould do anything for me.\nEncourages me, praises me, makes me feel like a goddess.\n\nI thought I had him forever...\n\nIt might sound like our relationship was all abusive...\nIt wasn’t.\nAt times, It was incredibally beautiful and inspiring.\nWe care deeply for the earth, and would do what we could to be of service.\nWe had amazing and deep conversations.\nWe had so many good times just being goofy and free.\nWe laughed. \ndanced.\nSang.\nOur love was powerful, profound, strong. \nBut underneath,\nI was scared to lose myself in it.\nIn the relationship.\nI was scared to fully give my heart...\nwhat if I lose him?\nI was afraid to be vulnerable- to let him hold me when times were tough.\nInstead, I woke avoids that by fighting.\nI would attempt to see how much he cares by pushing him away and seeing how hard he would try to get me back.\nToo many times we went back and forth.\nI thought I could change. I told him I would.\nI hated hurting him.\nI knew it stemmed from insecurity and wounds.\nBut every time, the same patterns were repeated.\n\nWe were closer then ever..\nhe wanted to marry me..Down the line of course.\nI almost lost him on our recent trip- he had had enough.\nBut our love is irresistible.\nBut once I knew I had him fully in love with me again,\nthe disinterest started to seep in.. again.\n\nHe flew home.\nI realized how incredible he is when he left...as usual.\nAnd the next day, he met someone at work.\nThey have so much in common.\nfast forward two weeks...\nthey’re in love. \nAnd he isn’t sure about us anymore.\nHe’s coming to realie how I made him feel so often and how that isn’t okay.\n\nI always yelled at him to stand up for himself when I was giving him shit and putting him down...\nI did not expect that this would be how he finally shows himself that he loves himself.\n\nThe pain was excruciating.\nI mourned.\nThen we talked. I felt better. \nHe told me about their blossoming relationship.\nI fell back into my hole.\nMost recently, on my birthday and the night before, we talked for hours.\nIt was amazing sharing myself with him.\nhaving him as a friend.\nOpening up.\nExplaining how my traumas have instilled a fear of love and loss.\nI know we can make it works\nI’m working on myself, going to therapy, healing.\nI was hopeful.\n\nBut today, \nafter he meditated, he saw how all of my behaviors had affected his comfort level around me.\nThat he can’t just discount how this other woman makes him feel.\nAnd that he isn’t ready to see or reunite with me.\n\nThis is the separation.\nIf we come back together,\nit will be EPIC.\nElectric.\nIt will be fate.",
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      "body": "For years, I’ve witness my parents bicker and nitpick at each other.\nJust tonight, my dad didn’t feel like making food so he said he isn’t hungry. \nSo my mom makes a point to repeat a few times that we are gonna make food but “your dad isn’t hungry.”\nWhen we made some tacos, we put one for my dad, and he was gonna eat it.\nMy mom then says, I thought you weren’t hungry.\n“Well, if you’re gonna for a me to eat it then I will.”\nMom: “No one is forcing you.”\nSo my dad gave up and left.\n\n\nThe whole thing was unnecessary giving of shit to each other. And a display of their stubbornness.\nSomething that was normazlied throughout my life.\nOver the years, I did see more loving behaviors develop, which made me so happy and relieved to see, since they stayed married despite major challenges.\nBut this seemingly manipulative and imature behavior is disappointing.\n\nEspecially now that I see their patterns carrying into my own relationships. \n\nNot only did I give uneccesary shit and felt that nitpicking is a normal and acceptable part of a loving relationship, I discouraged when I should have been supportive.\nI blamed when I should have taken responsibility.\n\nAll my life, I saw my dad blaming every one else for juan struggles.\nI was very aware of this.\nBut for some reason, when I adopted the pattern, I couldn’t see it.\nHe gives me advice but doesn’t role model it.\n\nSo I pushed away the love of my life wit my judgements and criticisms that stems from lack of self love and a fear of of intimacy. \n\nNow, I’m propelled on a self-growth and discovery path.\nIt’s painful.\nFacing how I’ve made him feel.\nhow he feels self-conscious and can’t fully be himself around me.\nHow he feels like he isn’t worthy of my love or good enough for me.\nThat he is my back-up.\nThat as soon as I “catch him”, the thrill is gone and I begin taking him for granted.\nI’ve disrespected him.\nMade him feel small.\nCalled out every single mistake \nGot upset when he didn’t love me the way I thought I should be loved, \nwhen he didn’t dress how I wanted him to.\nJudged him when he expressed anything that I was too insecure about in myself to express.\n\nHe didn’t communicate clear emotional boundaries- so I crossed every single untold one.\nI dominated the relation and he submitted...because he loved/s me unconditionally.\nBecause he cares so deeply. \nSupports me no matter what.\nWould do anything for me.\nEncourages me, praises me, makes me feel like a goddess.\n\nI thought I had him forever...\n\nIt might sound like our relationship was all abusive...\nIt wasn’t.\nAt times, It was incredibally beautiful and inspiring.\nWe care deeply for the earth, and would do what we could to be of service.\nWe had amazing and deep conversations.\nWe had so many good times just being goofy and free.\nWe laughed. \ndanced.\nSang.\nOur love was powerful, profound, strong. \nBut underneath,\nI was scared to lose myself in it.\nIn the relationship.\nI was scared to fully give my heart...\nwhat if I lose him?\nI was afraid to be vulnerable- to let him hold me when times were tough.\nInstead, I woke avoids that by fighting.\nI would attempt to see how much he cares by pushing him away and seeing how hard he would try to get me back.\nToo many times we went back and forth.\nI thought I could change. 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      "body": "https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UnB7keU3Isg\n\n\nHOLY GOD\nthis spoke so much truth.\nI almost didn’t click on it\nbut I have been blessed because I did.\nI am not “crazy” and strange for being as sensitive as I am. For having such a hard time letting go.\nIt’s one of the most challenging parts of being in this human skin.\n\nI’m definitely not trying to say i’m an “angel” because that sounds odd \nbut I can’t even believe how spot on this was for what i’ve been going trough and what I deal with so often.\nI am shaken.\n\n I always felt part alien.\nLike i’m not fully human.\nI created my own language when I was three because I would tell people i’m from another planet.\n(Now I just call it speaking in tongues. )\nThis life is so strange and foreign sometimes.\nI was told i’m an indigo child.\n(The pendulum doesn’t lie)\nI used to doubt this.\nThere’s so much i’m learning.\nSo much I could use guidance with.\nI don’t always reach out and that’s on me.\nI know what I am on Earth for.\nWhat I am here to do. To be.\n*\nAnd one of the most excruciatingly painful feelings is feeling so far from that purpose.\nLike i’m wasting my life NOT living up to that.\nI’ve been through so much in my life.\nI know I can’t use that as excuses. But there are many layers to be uncovered and so much brush that has to be moved aside to come into my truest self and I’m SO hard on myself sometimes.\nI wake up with this daily DREAD\nThis painful void and emptiness.\nIt’s not there when I’m with a group, like when I was in the dorms in India or with a roommate.\nIt’s not here when I have the distraction or a romantic relationship.\nBut otherwise, its there.\nThe dread that makes you want to stay in bed and not get up.\nIt always gets better with yoga, music, some kind of spiritual practice. \n*\nI was terrified to end my travels.\nI didn’t feel ready.\nAnd I have faced this feeling and know it’s an illusion.\nI’ll never “be ready” and there is ALWAYS more growing and learning.\nI have a lot to offer NOW.\nIt can be hard to know where to start.\nThe lies can be so convincing.\nGoodness this video got me going on a sharing spree.\nIt’s so funny.\nI’ve been songwriting for so many years-\nIn third grade I had a song with a part that went “would I rather die than share? I don’t know.\nI have all these thoughts in my head...”\n*\nI used to keep Everything in.\nFor a long time, And even just now, I was going to say you are the only one you hurt when you do that.\nBut you hurt those close to you who CARE.\nI always had such a hard time truly believing anyone CARES.\nFor real.\nTo know the deepest parts of me.\nI think I tell myself they don’t as an excuse to not be vulnerable. \nFor so long, only my sister knew that part.\nThe parts I didn’t let anyone else see.\nAnd she loved me anyway.\nWhen she passed from this plane,\nI felt unknown.\nNo one could unconditionally love me because no one truly knew me.\n*\nI’ve been blessed along my journey to meet people that I’m feeling safer to open up with and be vulnerable.\nIt’s one of my soul lessons.\nVulnerability.\nI’m making real soul connections.\nPeople that make me want to stay on this planet when so many times i’ve wanted out. It’s only been in this past year that i’ve really found those people I could dog to when I’m in the lowest of the darkest pits. \n(Yes I thought It was so “unfair” that my sister got to go and I was stuck here..she had so many friends..so much to live for..and I’m the one that had to stay..)\n*\nIt’s the people that love you unconditionally, \nand the people you inspire and help heal that make life worth living. \n*\nThank you everyone who loves me for me.\nWho supports me.\nIt means the world.\n❤️🦄",
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      "author": "magic8ball",
      "body": "To the question in your title, my Magic 8-Ball says:<blockquote>As I see it, yes</blockquote><hr>*Hi! I'm a bot, and this answer was posted automatically. Check [this post out](https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@magic8ball/introducing-the-magic-8-ball-bot) for more information.*",
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      "body": "I consistently write SO.\nMUCH.\nEspecially since my soul journey travels.\n\nI don’t know where to put my writings.\nI tried instagram.\nBut it’s too much.\nI want to share them.\nBut it’s not really a “blog” and it’s more like a diary.\nDoes anyone read them?\nIs that em even why I post?\nWe all want to be known.\nSeen.\nHeard.\nUnderstood.\nOf course.\n\nThere is so much inside of me.\nSo much healing and processing.\nIt’s all over the place in journals, facebook posts, notes, here, tumblr, insta.\nI feel scattered.\n\nIs anyone actually interested in reading my thoughts? \n\nWell.\nI wrote a long post today.\nI DO want it to be seen.\nBecause it’s my soul.\nMy truth.\nmy life.\nI don’t do much to promote my writings.\nI guess because it’s a thought diary.",
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      "title": "Do people like to read people diaries of thoughts..?"
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      "author": "br3akingfr33",
      "body": "3 AM = self reflection-\n\nMy struggle with female friendships\nand my challenge in letting myself be held, \nseen or hugged as I cry\nstems from the relationship dynamic \nwith my mother.\nI never really genuinely hugged her\nor let her see the emotional side\n(other than my anger). \nI’ve always had such a hard time loving and\nrespecting her.\nI’ve learned now which part of myself i’m rejecting when I reject her. \nThe feminine, dainty, sensitive, vulnerable side.\n🦋\nMy inability to fully trust men,\nto let them in\nstems from my strained relationship with my father. \nExplosive. \nHard to please. \n“Never enough.”\nEgo was usually in the way.\nI rejected him. His anger. \nMy anger.\nThe part that feels so deeply but shuts down and doesn't share \n🌀\nMy parents are a reflection of my shadows\nthe parts I didn’t want to see\nthe parts I couldn’t love\n👁\nWe didn’t get along.. \nI couldn’t stand how protective they were.\nHow much they tried to change me.\nControl me.\nI was the black sheep rebel child of my family.\nAlways causing trouble. \nIt clearly “wasn’t working out”\nI thought I could just break the ties \nRun away.\nI planned to leave as soon as I graduated high school.\n*\nBut with my sisters sudden passing the year before,\neverything changed.\nlife forced me to stay\nI felt like THEY needed me.\nBut I cant help anyone unless I help myself.\nBy only showing my “strong” side and not my pain.\nLast January,\nWhen I began finally soul journeying aka traveling cause momma Earth called. \nI found purpose. I got to live my life. My way.\nEven if that meant being gone for extended periods. Taking my time to delve deep.\n🦄\nNow as my travels come to a temporary close, as much as I don’t want them to,\nI get to go play with these discoveries I’ve made the last few months.\nI know it will be challenging.\nThere are cobwebs I avoid like the plague.\nBut i’d like to think the hardships I’ve faced here have been preparing me\nFear is inevitable.\nI have struggled with severe anxiety and depression.\nBut do we feed it?\nTHATS the question.\nDidn’t you know,\nWhat you feed grows!?\n************************\n  #feminine #masculine  #vulnerable  #soulevolution",
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      "author": "muladiola",
      "body": "Hallo br3akingfr33",
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      "author": "muladiola",
      "body": "Hallo breakingfr33",
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      "body": "@@ -1376,166 +1376,4 @@\n bes.\n- %0A%5BEEFC71FF-DE8D-41AD-8734-3495A23BB72B.jpeg%5D(https://steemitimages.com/DQmY1emuUBm1FcfwyWknEAuTMheW1maGZw15qKUakZxGk3q/EEFC71FF-DE8D-41AD-8734-3495A23BB72B.jpeg)\n",
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      "author": "br3akingfr33",
      "body": "@@ -1,16 +1,178 @@\n DIVINE%0A\n+!%5B56C53B1C-9D45-4E85-B0BE-5BE93E7183BD.jpeg%5D(https://steemitimages.com/DQmSEyoxb9CsDtM8yXg8SSie2RFUrpDsxZyf9D82BPixTL4/56C53B1C-9D45-4E85-B0BE-5BE93E7183BD.jpeg)!\n %0A\n-\n %0AI was j\n@@ -845,169 +845,8 @@\n ed. \n-!%5BFAA89B6D-06B5-4F05-98F1-D160732670E7.jpeg%5D(https://steemitimages.com/DQmSEyoxb9CsDtM8yXg8SSie2RFUrpDsxZyf9D82BPixTL4/FAA89B6D-06B5-4F05-98F1-D160732670E7.jpeg)\n he m\n@@ -1378,170 +1378,8 @@\n s. %0A\n-!%5B56C53B1C-9D45-4E85-B0BE-5BE93E7183BD.jpeg%5D(https://steemitimages.com/DQmSEyoxb9CsDtM8yXg8SSie2RFUrpDsxZyf9D82BPixTL4/56C53B1C-9D45-4E85-B0BE-5BE93E7183BD.jpeg)!\n %5BEEF\n",
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      "body": "DIVINE\n\n\nI was just thinking \nhow this kitty is such a pure soul\ni’m so in love\nit took nothing\njust kitty being\nfor me to love\nso much\nSo easily\nanimals\nare so pure\n\nAnd then I realized...\nthe synchronicity\nOf this pure soul being at pure soul cafe\n❤️\n\nseeing beautiful people\none after another\nthat I could love/do love.\n\nthen some guys walked by and said “I like your piercing” in an accent.\nI thought for a second that they said pussy, because another said to her super adorable two year old, look at the pussy cat on her lap.\nso yea, I thought he walked by smiling genuinely telling me he likes my pussy.\nof course, I thought he meant the cat but it was still odd.\nbut He pointed. ![FAA89B6D-06B5-4F05-98F1-D160732670E7.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSEyoxb9CsDtM8yXg8SSie2RFUrpDsxZyf9D82BPixTL4/FAA89B6D-06B5-4F05-98F1-D160732670E7.jpeg)he meant my lip piercing.\n\nI am sitting here facing the gigantic magical mountains.\nOutside this beautiful cafe.\ntaking in the love of the universe.\n\nThe bliss.\nthe beauty.\nand I’m drenched in gratitude.\nSo much gratitude for my blessings and opportunities.\nFor the healing.\nFor everything.\nSo much gratitude.\nit’s overflowing.\nAnd I am grateful.\nMore of the same🙏😘\n\n\npeople in the street have been helpful. I met a few lovely ladies who invited me to shiva aarthi festivities tomorrow.\nput out good vibes and attract good vibes. \n![56C53B1C-9D45-4E85-B0BE-5BE93E7183BD.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmSEyoxb9CsDtM8yXg8SSie2RFUrpDsxZyf9D82BPixTL4/56C53B1C-9D45-4E85-B0BE-5BE93E7183BD.jpeg)![EEFC71FF-DE8D-41AD-8734-3495A23BB72B.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmY1emuUBm1FcfwyWknEAuTMheW1maGZw15qKUakZxGk3q/EEFC71FF-DE8D-41AD-8734-3495A23BB72B.jpeg)",
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      "body": "@@ -224,16 +224,56 @@\n  of me.%0A\n+(the picture is from google..not her..)%0A\n She talk\n",
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      "body": "@@ -1,8 +1,169 @@\n+!%5B6E22E0C9-FEA1-4F27-8686-467C51B1F2A7.jpeg%5D(https://steemitimages.com/DQmS9iJZUaEjD9Db339WsjMqLjeoBkhbAZL5KR4JhYfAQyz/6E22E0C9-FEA1-4F27-8686-467C51B1F2A7.jpeg)\n LIFE.Is.\n",
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      "author": "br3akingfr33",
      "body": "LIFE.Is.Crazy.\nWhat a trip.\n\nThere’s this girl.\nShe reminds me of me.\nShe talks about how she makes alien sounds and faces.\nShe oms and adds alien overtones. \nI’ve been a self proclaimed alien since age three.\nI have my own language and everything.\nShe walks bare feet.\nShe laughs at her self.\nLives with the trees.\nShe is so flexible.\nShe sings.\nDances.\ndrums.\nMakes music to heal and inspire.\nAims to awaken others to their “highest vibration”\nBold. Passionate.\nHonors life.\nEmpowered.\nself- love advocate.\nEmotional release catalyst.\nHealth and healing.\ncoach.\nFlow.\nTai-chi.\nWarrior. \nYogi.\nShe loves deeply.\nbut looks intimidating.\nShe is my reflection.\nSo me.\n\nEXCEPT.\nShe is my most actualized self.\nshe is my dreams come true.\nShe has done everything I dream of doing- Think of doing, Want to do.\n\nShe went to SWIHHA South west institute of healing.\nI get all their emails.\nI looked into it.\nLoved it.\nDidn’t take the plunge.\nyet.\nShe graduated from IIN- Institure of Integrative Nutrition.\nI get their emails. For a year now.\nHaven’t committed.\nShe picked up the crazy instrument I dreamed of learning to play, and plays it.\nShe plays music at open mics and collaborates.\nShe teaches yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance.\nShe performs her music.\nshe has her own holistic healing company.\nShe gets photographed.\nShe teaches at festivals, at earth skills.\nShe inspires many. \nShe is the manifestation of my wildest dreams.\n(Okay this sounds kind of creepy knowing all of this but it’s not hard to discover from her facebook posts) \nAnd the guy I was interested in for almost a year...has liked her for a year.\nHe thinks-“They are supposed to be together and she doesn’t know it yet”\n..That’s the thought I had about him.\nHe’s rarely interested in someone. Says when he is, they aren’t interested back...\nThis is the case with me...\nStruggling to simply be myself.\n\n\nyea crazy.\n\nI tried to think of ONE thing that I have that would differentiate me. something I do and she doesn’t. \nShe is ethnic.\nShe is an earth lover/reconnect to your roots advocate. she is a dancer. Makes healing music.\nNothin. I got nothin.\n\nI COULD be jealous. \nOr I could be inspired to keep on this path.\nAnd live the life of my dreams.\nshe’s doing it.\nSo could I.\nAnd all I have to do is think of you to remember who I want to be.\nYou’re like a LIVE vision board 😝\nMade it easy.\n\nI COULD compare myself and be down on my self for not being further along.\n\nSO funny.\n\nshe is my soul.\nBut he is the ME.\nNow.\nHe is into her.\nfixated.\nI’m into him.\nfixated.\nAnd there’s is a reason.\na lesson.\nhe is the me now.\nWith much work to do.\nSpiritually.\nEmotionally.\nrelationtionally.\nThis is so trippy. \nhe is not ready.\nI’m not ready.\nso we both keep dreaming.\npursuing.\ngrowing.\nUntil we can BE.\nwhatever and wherever that means",
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      "body": "LIFE.Is.Crazy.\nWhat a trip.\n\nThere’s this girl.\nShe reminds me of me.\nShe talks about how she makes alien sounds and faces.\nShe oms and adds alien overtones. \nI’ve been a self proclaimed alien since age three.\nI have my own language and everything.\nShe walks bare feet.\nShe laughs at her self.\nLives with the trees.\nShe is so flexible.\nShe sings.\nDances.\ndrums.\nMakes music to heal and inspire.\nAims to awaken others to their “highest vibration”\nBold. Passionate.\nHonors life.\nEmpowered.\nself- love advocate.\nEmotional release catalyst.\nHealth and healing.\ncoach.\nFlow.\nTai-chi.\nWarrior. \nYogi.\nShe loves deeply.\nbut looks intimidating.\nShe is my reflection.\nSo me.\n\nEXCEPT.\nShe is my most actualized self.\nshe is my dreams come true.\nShe has done everything I dream of doing- Think of doing, Want to do.\n\nShe went to SWIHHA South west institute of healing.\nI get all their emails.\nI looked into it.\nLoved it.\nDidn’t take the plunge.\nyet.\nShe graduated from IIN- Institure of Integrative Nutrition.\nI get their emails. For a year now.\nHaven’t committed.\nShe picked up the crazy instrument I dreamed of learning to play, and plays it.\nShe plays music at open mics and collaborates.\nShe teaches yoga, meditation, ecstatic dance.\nShe performs her music.\nshe has her own holistic healing company.\nShe gets photographed.\nShe teaches at festivals, at earth skills.\nShe inspires many. \nShe is the manifestation of my wildest dreams.\n(Okay this sounds kind of creepy knowing all of this but it’s not hard to discover from her facebook posts) \nAnd the guy I was interested in for almost a year...has liked her for a year.\nHe thinks-“They are supposed to be together and she doesn’t know it yet”\n..That’s the thought I had about him.\nHe’s rarely interested in someone. Says when he is, they aren’t interested back...\nThis is the case with me...\nStruggling to simply be myself.\n\n\nyea crazy.\n\nI tried to think of ONE thing that I have that would differentiate me. something I do and she doesn’t. \nShe is ethnic.\nShe is an earth lover/reconnect to your roots advocate. she is a dancer. Makes healing music.\nNothin. I got nothin.\n\nI COULD be jealous. \nOr I could be inspired to keep on this path.\nAnd live the life of my dreams.\nshe’s doing it.\nSo could I.\nAnd all I have to do is think of you to remember who I want to be.\nYou’re like a LIVE vision board 😝\nMade it easy.\n\nI COULD compare myself and be down on my self for not being further along.\n\nSO funny.\n\nshe is my soul.\nBut he is the ME.\nNow.\nHe is into her.\nfixated.\nI’m into him.\nfixated.\nAnd there’s is a reason.\na lesson.\nhe is the me now.\nWith much work to do.\nSpiritually.\nEmotionally.\nrelationtionally.\nThis is so trippy. \nhe is not ready.\nI’m not ready.\nso we both keep dreaming.\npursuing.\ngrowing.\nUntil we can BE.\nwhatever and wherever that means",
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      "body": "In 8 days, I start my Kundalini Yoga teacher training journey at Yogis Yogshala in India!😯\n*\nDuring a women’s retreat a while back, I learned more about Tantric yoga and decided that’s the one for me! \nIt took months and many hours of research and communications to find the right school and course.\nThis is it! 🙏\n*\nI was blessed today to be able to go to a yoga class lead by my friend that had kundalini incorporated and was focused on TRUST.\nNaturally had a little anxiety about everything, but the class and #meditation helped me feel more sure and peaceful, and we had such a great time 😛 #sisterhood *\n*\nAnd yesterday, I pulled a tarot that was perfect \n“Keep the Faith”\nPessimism won’t serve me. so keep trusting.\n❤️![B640E6FC-434B-4D43-B575-977AE44102F5.jpeg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRjGNWf4oZzN6t9369Qr88RmphP8nz6MXLNZsGGG77fX5/B640E6FC-434B-4D43-B575-977AE44102F5.jpeg)\nHere’s some info on #kundaliniyoga that excites me:\n🐍\n•Kundalini is the invincible source of limitless power – both intuitive and creative in nature.\n* •Kundalini energy is latent female energy believed to lie coiled at the base of the spine “It refers to a form of primal energy (or shakti) *\nKundalini yoga is utilized to release that energy.\n*\n•Called by practitioners \"the yoga of awareness\", it aims \"to cultivate the creative spiritual potential of a human to uphold values, speak truth, and focus on the compassion and consciousness needed to serve and heal.\n*\n*\n•Its one of the most spiritual types of yoga. \nIt is a school of yoga that is influenced by Shaktism and Tantra. \nKundalini is the invincible source of limitless power – both intuitive and creative in nature.\n*\n•Being able to live from our intuitive mind is one of the main goals of a Kundalini practitioner.",
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      "body": "@@ -1250,17 +1250,45 @@\n te.%0A\n-S\n+d\n o yoga.%0A\n+Walk around with bare feet.%0A\n Sing\n",
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      "author": "br3akingfr33",
      "body": "YESS 😛❤️👽🦄",
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      "author": "r351574nc3",
      "body": ">  me...\nbut now I embrace the challenge\n\n![](https://steemitimages.com/0x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmTTXAf2n9W3x1nmSNuhx3jTDWDXPnUUfSGjKnTbh4c7Ma/giphy%20(2).gif)",
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      "body": "@@ -1,8 +1,169 @@\n+!%5BC1D79DE6-EC69-4E79-BEE3-002F8BFB1860.jpeg%5D(https://steemitimages.com/DQmRdHuV7gr4R8ns5f5Tfp8sHCnEUczGrXc3TAmXjywMhyk/C1D79DE6-EC69-4E79-BEE3-002F8BFB1860.jpeg)\n January \n",
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      "author": "br3akingfr33",
      "body": "January was... a humbling month.\nTwists and turns and transformations.\nFacing old wounds and shadows once again.\nHaving to learn forgiveness for myself- for closing my heart and holding it in.\nFor not shining.\nWhen on the inside I want to scream,\nbut i’m feeling trapped in my body.\n\nA month that i’m faced with having to choose between \nappeasing someone’s perception of me, or being who I am truly. \nOf learning to disentangle chords,\nchords that keep me chained, that revolve around what they think.\nVs breaking free.\nMetaphorically,\nflying.\n\nLast january,\nIronically,\nI was SO free.\nLiving at camp.\nFighting for the Earth with my newfound soul family.\nIt was life changing.\nAmazing.\nWhat a change it has been being at home in Atl.\nBeing involved in the film industry.\nWhat a different world.\n\nAnd in this world, when I am being me,\nI draw unwanted attention.\nEyes of jealousy.\nmisunderstandings.\nWhen I think, oh it’s so rigid.\nSO not my world.\nHow can I bring more of me?\nI think about bringing sage,\nI bring my mat,\nmy own plate,\nand focus on sustainability and spirituality.\nMeditate.\nSo yoga.\nSing.\nThis is how I find me and continue shining.\n\nI almost backed away, after learning about the way everyone was judging me.\nThis is why I surround myself with conscious minded people,\nThat also seek truth, freedom, and \ncomm-unity.\n\nIn this world of doing what you’re told, following the mold,  I feel like a lone wolf.\nI was breaking out slowly, until things got serious and began getting to me.\nEmbarrassing.\nRegret. Targeted.\ndisgust.\nWtf, really?!\n\nThankfully I have friends that remind me of \nwhat’s important\nI appreciate Lou for encouraging me\nto be me despite what they think\nbecause no matter what\nthey will be thinking something\nso I might as well do what makes me happy..\n\nThis followed me into my dream\nLast night, I gave a little fuck as I did a cartwheel in an open area of a cafeteria. I knew people would see.\nThen, I stopped giving a fuck and started sweeping through the air like a hero, one hand first and doing turns. Cause I WANTED to. Cause it FELT GOOD. \nI Started doing flips in the air and flying and not giving a care how weird they think I am.\n\n\nSo to my friend from set \nI appreciate you for the illumination of how my actions are perceived\nto be conscious of those around me\nof the affect “doing me” has on you and them\nthat almost stopped me...\nbut now I embrace the challenge it gives me to not give a fuck what they think\nand do what makes me happy",
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      "author": "br3akingfr33",
      "body": "I’m gaining so much perspective.\nUs women have sexual appeal.\nWe have found we can use it to “get what we want”\nThat it gives us power\n\nSo women often objectify themselves\nsexualize themselves\nand then complain about being mis-treated as objects.\nWell, what a cycle.\n\nIt starts with us women healing ourselves.\nfinding our worth beyond our image,\nour looks.\nfinding confidence\nfinding our voice\nfeeling our power that comes from a connection to source.\nso we don’t feel we have to use sex.\n\nAnd once we start respecting ourselves\nthen we can demand respect.\n\nBecause in this culture\nit’s become so taboo.\nTo a point where  tapping into your zen and stretching your hamstrings in public is seen as a way of turning on a man.\nExpressing myself is an invite.\nYoga is a means to an end.\nMen can’t resist\nand women hate you and think you’re showing off.\nIt’s “inappropriate”\nmust not be done in public.\nmakes a guy hard\n\nand then they can’t be “just friends”\nyou’re forever doomed. \nYou look good, and you’re cool, sorry,\n“I have enough friends and there’s no space for you”\n\n\nYes there is sex appeal\nbut it is so abused\nin almost every commercial\nso many songs and movies\ngives us all the wrong ideas\nbecomes a not-conscious thing.\n\nIn the film industry, women ARE using it to get parts. To climb the ladder. \nAnd it makes the rest of us look like we would be willing to compromise our integrity for a part, for attention, to be noticed.\n\nThe last thing I want is to do my morning routine\nand someone think i’m showing off.\nI can’t stand that.\nI don’t wanna have to hide when i’m practicing handstands\n\nAnd then on the other end of it....\nGive me a reason to where I have to prove to you i’m worthy....\nTreat me like i’m “less than”\nand I go off the deep end.\nMix that in with a full/super moon and you have a recipe for a beautiful disaster.\n\nSo you’re better off just letting me be me\nrespect me\nand I won’t get crazy",
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      "body": "@@ -337,17 +337,17 @@\n tantly a\n-d\n+s\n  a distr\n@@ -398,16 +398,25 @@\n ake up %0A\n+REAWAKEN%0A\n Listenin\n",
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      "body": "@@ -458,10 +458,11 @@\n runn\n-nf\n+ing\n  thr\n@@ -1252,8 +1252,525 @@\n and why!\n+%0A%0AI understand the gemini.%0AThe part that knows i%E2%80%99m valuable. Knows i%E2%80%99m divine.%0AKnows i%E2%80%99m worthy, of love and light.%0AThat understands that life is a tragic comedy not be be taken seriously.%0AI just wanna dance and sing,%0Aand have the world do it with me.%0AI%E2%80%99m fillwd with love and I want to spread it.%0ABut lately, I have felt depleted.%0AUnworthy.%0AA burden.%0AInsecure.%0AInvisible. %0AThe difference is a light switch.%0AAn instance.%0AAn opening of the eye.%0A%0AA breakthrough is waiting to happen.%0AKeep going.%0ADon%E2%80%99t stop believing.%F0%9F%99%8F\n",
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      "body": "i’ve felt out of touch with my most realest most intense emotions.\nMy creativity has felt stifled.\nI’ve been craving sexual interactions.\nBeen eating a lot- desiring food constantly ad a distraction.\n\nWhat am I running from?\n\nSleeping\nwake up \nListening to Skillet- Comatose\n“ i’ll never wake up without an overdose of you.\nI don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna breathe, Unless I feel you next to me.”\n\nI don’t.\nIt’s not worth it.\nUnless I feel LIFE source God runnnf through my veins\nI can’t  do it\nalone\nwithout my spirit guides\nI cannot love half alive\n\n“But i’m here again\na thousand miles away from you.”\n\nI’ve been here so often.\nThis state of disconnection.\nLife source not flowing through me.\nResistance.\nMeditation,\nmore like a chore.\nAn effort to fight away distractions that \nare flying at my like arrows.\n\nIf something comes along worth putting my focus on \nI put in all I got.\nObsessively. \nUntil it’s complete. \nLike my vision board.\nI spent 30 or so hours on.\n\nI know now why I enjoy acting.\nImprov.\nWhy I enjoy improving.\nAuditions.\nSinging.\nWithout them I resort to being numb.\nNothing is PUSHING me to feel.\n\nI am most alive when I am doing improv comedy.\nDance.\nActing.\nRocking out.\nam I willing to let a part of me die? \nNow I understand why!",
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      "body": "I wanted to share a thought On facebook. \nBut I haven’t been inclined to share my thoughts or give life updates on social media this past month.\n\nThe few times I have felt very odd and I wanted to go delete the posts\n\nThis is a very different phenenon then say, 6 months ago. (or was it a year and a half..I dunno)\n\nBut I went through a phase when I was very very open.\nI still am relatively open on instagram because i’m documenting my soul journey.\nBut on facebook...\nI was so open on facebook because I was tired of secrets and pretending. Of not expressing.\n\nBut Being a very private person,\nI was harming myself inadvertently.\nI became attached to social media because I was posting such personal stuff..It was me...I was like, hey guys, here is me naked for all to see.\nI wasn’t ready to be naked.\nI wanted to share but then would freak out about tmi and wanna delete it.\n\nSo I created another facebook page.\nBut then I never really use it.\nI wanted the personal/reaching out “hey anyone out there posts” to go on there.\nBut I can’t even get myself to do that with the “closer” friends.\nI should have considered a group with a small group of friends instead of a new page with people I STIL lal don’t feel that comfortable being naked with even though I love them dearly.\n\nAlso,\nNow that i’m cultivating deeper real life relationships,\nthat I don’t need to do the “alone and feeling down” posts.\nI know I have the people who love me.\nAnd even If I have a down day,\nI’ve learned what is like to love myself through it \n(Okay maybe that’s a defense mechanism for me so I don’t have to be vulnerable with some one, but damn. Cause we need relationships. And it’s hard as duck to pull yourself up, maybe takes longer and maybe doesn’t bring me as high up to do it alone...But at least I know I can get through it..)\n\nBut not feeling alone is ..Priceless.\nBut so Is feeling like we aren’t more open than we are ready to be.\nI thought O was getting out of my comfort zone so It was “good for me”\nBut. wasn’t at the edge of my comfort, I was in the way out danger zone.\nSo I’m finding a happy medium, If I am to post.\n\nNow I’m inclined to only post my thoughts on my second facebook page of only 300 people vs my over 3000 friends on the other.\n\nOr do I just want to get them down and don’t reallt need the validation or anyone to read it?\n\nWell, I forgot my password so here are my thoughts-\n\nIt’s 4:30 am.\nI stayed up talking to cool people since 11.\n\nLast night I stayed up til 5 AM working on my vision board.\nthe night before I stayed up til the wee hours watxhing inapiration videos\n\nYes this is good.\nI’ve needed connection and inspiration.\nBut On monday I have to be up at 3AM to work a 12 hour work day!!!!!’😱\n\nthere fore, I have been making poor life decisions with my insane sleep habits.\nWtf\nokay i’ll just sleep next week!",
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      "body": "@@ -753,16 +753,15 @@\n ng.%0A\n-And I hu\n+%0A I thi\n nk i\n@@ -818,16 +818,17 @@\n ate it.%0A\n+%0A\n I was ta\n@@ -946,17 +946,17 @@\n  about m\n-t\n+y\n  naked b\n",
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      "body": "Do you ever feel like you could just melt into the earth, disappear, and leave unnoticed? \n\nOkay that’s a little far out.\nBut that It wouldn’t really make a huge difference if you were gone? \nThere’s nothing that really “needs” you here?\n\nThis is the feeling I get when I’m not contributing.\nWhen I don’t feel I am doing my part as a human.\nYes there are people that will miss me.\nAm I making that big of a difference in their life? \nOkay to a few people, yes I am.\nThey would miss me.\nfor how long though?\nFor how long until they “move on?”\nWell my parents. Definitely.\nThey have been a huge factor of keeping me here when I wanted to go.\n\nBut there is not a job that needs me.\nI’m not active in a community.\nI feel like i’m floating.\nI’ve been floating.\nAnd I hunk it’s good to think about our mortality.\nTo contemplate it.\nI was taking a bath. I couldn’t help think- what If I just died here? Went under and stayed? \nI wouldn’t be embarrassed about mt naked body.\nI would have no ego.\nWhat am I leaving behind? \nWhat in my life am I a vital part of that wouldn’t be the same without me? \n\nAt this time in my life, \nThere isn’t much.\nI haven’t been doing much.\nMy jobs are sporadic.\nI’m “replaceable.”\n\nYes, there have been events lately that are demanding of me. A little stressful.\nAnnoying to have to deal with.\nConfusing.\nAnd all of that added to the fact that I haven’t been “on mission” lately,\nI haven’t been creating and using my creative energy,\nmakes me feel like i’m disconnected from life.\nNot fully alive.\n\nIt’s challenging here.\nBut in the meantime,\ni’m being kind to myself.\nTelling me what I do have to offer.\nReminding myself of who I am.\nFunny, caring, energetic, goofy, fun, talented, beautiful.\n\nDuring the tough times, self-compassion really comes in handy\n🙏",
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      "body": "How is it that some days...\nWe know in our heart that all is well.\nAll it takes to experience pure joy is to look at a flower.\nAnd we automatically feel its beauty. \nIt’s life. It’s connection.\nDivinity.\n\nWe laugh easily.\nAnd Love reverberates in our breing.\n\nWe don’t need hours of meditation.\nWe don’t need to accomplish anything. \nNo shoulds be’s. Or have-tos.\nIt takes nothing. it’s easy.\ngratitude comes easy.\nmotivation comes easy.\nwe are just here.\nwe are just enough.\n\n\nand other days or days in a row...\nit feels all wrong.\nYou don’t feel enough. \nYou can’t snap out of it.\nYou’re stuck to your phone...to social media...waiting. Waiting..for something...anything..\nhope is so far out of reach.\nYou know you’re not alone but...you are.\nyou may have intermittent joyful moments but the dark clouds are prominent. \nThe thoughts are persistent. \nYou don’t even want to get out of bed.\nbut you do.\nand you go through your day.\nEven though it all feels like a chore. \n\n\n\nwhy?\nWhy are some days like this?\nWhat is the core of this love/hate relationship.\nAm I bipolar?? \ni don’t know for sure.\n\nBut I know it helps to change pace.\nto get out of the house.\ntalk and connect with a friend.\nanother human.\nget crazy just to stay sane.\nto be wierd. surprise yourself. make yourself laugh. \nAnd stop taking life so seriously.\nto have something to look forward to.\nAn experience.\nto hear from a friend that they love you.\nTo feel loved. To be accepted.\nBecause sometimes, we have a hard time loving ourselves. \nto accomplish something and do it because we want to.\nAnd to not give up on ourselves no matter what. \nand do what is good for us even when it’s hard.\n\n\nBecause for this, \nthere is a reward \nfor getting up again.\nit is the high after the low.\nThe color after the gray.\nthe rainbow after the rain.\nIt is SO \nBEAUTIFUL.\n\nAnd it is the beauty in understanding that it’s more than okay that none of this makes any sense.\nand does all the same.",
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