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      "body": "Congratulations @ibrenden! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@ibrenden/birthday3.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@ibrenden) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=ibrenden)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "title": "How I found steemit",
      "body": "How I came across steemit was a weird journey for me. \nIt wasn't how I expected to come across something like this. Then again, that's how life is.\n\nI have a huge respect and love for the power of words. Some of the greatest leaders and tyrants ever gained power and moved people to do some of the most awesome, incredible, positive things and some of the most terrible things, with their words.\n\n---\n**\"No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world\"** Robin Williams - Dead Poets Society\n\n![Image of Robin Williams on Table](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/09/13/article-2754271-215236CD00000578-121_634x483.jpg)\nImage from [dailymail.co.uk](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/09/13/article-2754271-215236CD00000578-121_634x483.jpg)\n\nI've always enjoyed the art of writing. Growing up I would write poetry, raps, books, stories, screenplays... you name it. As much as I enjoyed it though, I never felt like I found a community or site that supported writers, of all kinds, in such a way that the steemit community does.\n\nSo big shout out and thank you to you awesome people!\n\n----\n\nThat being said. A few years back I had the wool removed from my eyes and saw the world for what it was. I was angry, scared, frustrated, excited, nervous and overall motivated. Motivated to find any body else that saw what I saw. \n\nOn my quest to find a community of \"awake\" people, I came across an *\"anarchist\"* by the name of Adam Kokesh. I was watching his videos and was like, \"Okay. I agree with what this guy is saying. Lets see what happens.\" I followed his story and even read his book *Freedom!*, which I highly encourage everybody to take a look at. It's available [here.](http://thefreedomline.com/shop/freedom/)\n\nEvery now and then, his girlfriend at the time, would appear in his videos or in his instagram photos. Of course I started following her on instagram, because I found her attractive, but I quickly realized what an incredible human being she was. She was always smiling and had such a contagious passion for what she cares about, it was inspiring. It sounds like I may or may not have a boyish crush on her, because of that. \n\nAny way, she started posting on steemit, so after reading her article I started checking out the site and I signed up shortly after and it's been a very positive experience so far.\nA huge **THANK YOU** goes out to Macey Tomlin. You can follow her articles [here.](https://steemit.com/@maceytomlin) \n\n---\n\n**\"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.\"** Robin Williams - Dead Poets Society\n\n![Image of Robin Reading](http://cdn5.thr.com/sites/default/files/2014/08/Dead_Poets_Society.jpg)\nImage from [hollywoodreporter.com](http://cdn5.thr.com/sites/default/files/2014/08/Dead_Poets_Society.jpg)",
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      "permlink": "re-ibrenden-re-logic-re-ibrenden-freedom-leaving-the-lds-church-part-03-20161002t091027306z",
      "title": "",
      "body": "You are welcome :-)",
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      "body": "thanks for reading! and wow you are open minded. Keep it up! Its hard to stop being authentic once you start, every aspect of life just gets more and more exciting. It is truly honoring god within/without/nature/supernature/whatchymacallit",
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      "body": "I knew I was forgetting to do something... thanks.",
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      "body": "@@ -4346,16 +4346,175 @@\n 87C7FB5)\n+%0A%5BFacebook%5D(https://scontent.fslc1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p206x206/1002129_10151661798187834_311725869_n.jpg?oh=b48fd3191c61fbea52905dc19aca23b1&oe=5870E156)\n %0A%0AThe ch\n@@ -7083,16 +7083,147 @@\n dom.jpg)\n+%0A%5Bmonicamogne.com%5D(http://monicamogne.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Happy-Freedom-Girl-Enjoying-Sunset-HD-Wallpapers-1800x720.jpg)\n %0A%0ADuring\n@@ -8525,17 +8525,151 @@\n 08.jpg)%0A\n+%5Belderjohnson.files.wordpress.com%5D(https://elderjohnson.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/trey-parker-matt-stone-book-of-mormon-525x608.jpg)\n %0A\n-\n In all s\n@@ -9409,17 +9409,124 @@\n &q=100)%0A\n- \n+%5Bdatingasociopath.files.wordpress.com%5D(https://datingasociopath.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/freedom-1.jpg) %0A\n %0A%E2%80%9CThe se\n",
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      "body": "Hello ibrenden,\nThanks for an interesting post.\nJust to let you know, it is customary on Steemit to post exact sources of photos.\n\nAll the best,\nlogic",
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      "title": "Freedom! - Leaving the LDS Church (Part 03)",
      "body": "For the first few months after I returned I was very active in the church. I was involved as much as I could be, but quickly realized that I was still that kid who didn’t quite fit in. I would constantly catch people looking over and whispering. After a while word got back to me of the vast amounts of rumors floating around as to why I had returned home early from my mission. None of them were true and I’m not going to even dignify them by listing them here.\n\nSo with time on my hands and a strong curiosity still lingering, I dove into researching and finding answers to the questions that were never answered. I read the Bible cover to cover and the Book of Mormon. I went through as much text as I could and more questions were created than answered.\n\nAs the years passed I grew more and more distant from the church. I began to notice things that made me uncomfortable. Men in leadership positions would make misogynistic jokes about the young women across the hall. Somebody would offer assistance to a member in need and not follow through. Or ignore non-members and inactive members completely. Ignorant members would shoot down anything I would bring up that was contradictory to their beliefs. After I had enough of this, I stopped attending. I couldn’t understand why God had placed these people into leadership positions.\n\nEven though I stopped attending church, I was still in communication with God through prayer. I had several spiritual experiences, including one downtown that I will never forget or be able to explain, but it sealed in my mind that there is a higher power and it listens to us. I’m sure most people would have been satisfied with this experience and returned to church. I attended every now and then, but it wasn’t the same. I’ve never really felt welcome or at home in the church of even Utah for that matter. I’ve always felt like an outsider.\n\nI continued my research and was still coming up empty on a lot of issues. Noah’s flood has absolutely no evidence of its occurrence. Women aren’t created from men’s ribs. In fact, it’s the opposite; in the womb, we all start out as a woman until a Y chromosome replaces the X chromosome. And humans definitely weren’t created from dust. We have more in common with the ocean than we do with the dirt.\n\nVery quickly I realized the Bible was a work of fiction full of great parables, teachings and stories. Like all fables, it usually evolves out of truth, but is quickly expanded and changed to make a point. Even the Book of Mormon suffers from this dilemma.\n\nIf a church leader, or even God, came out and said “yes, the Bible (or Book of Mormon) is a construct of lessons, parables and teachings and is not to be taken literally…” I would have more respect for the institutions. I wouldn’t (re)join any, but it would be a great step forward.\n\nI don’t look down on religious people or even desire them to leave their religion. I do, however, get irritated at ignorance and it is one of the biggest issues I have with religious people; with any person actually, religious or non. If you’re ignorant then it’s by choice and it drives me insane. Let me be clear, there is a difference between ignorant and uneducated.\n\nIf God turns out to be a real being (which I’m completely open to and hope is true) and I’m lucky enough to have an opportunity to sit down and have a nice long discussion as to why he’s done what he’s done… or She, I think it would be awesome if God turned out to be a woman. If I get that opportunity, then it’ll be a great moment and either way, I will take full responsibility for my actions and not just ride on the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.\n\nAnyway, the reason I left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints wasn’t any one big reason or person. It was a cumulative effort. In May of 2014, shortly after the church leaders excommunicated Kate Kelly, I wrote my resignation letter and decided to give it one full year, just to see if anything changed in my findings or even in my feelings. On March 29 2015, I mailed in my letter and on June 2, my name had officially been removed from the church records and I was no longer a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.\n\n![My freedom](https://scontent.fslc1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/1002129_10151661798187834_311725869_n.jpg?oh=75a46c182e3fed5aaede55cb5821bf67&oe=587C7FB5)\n\nThe church, of course, did not follow my wishes of requesting zero contact from any member of the church, especially with the intent to change my decision. I met with the newly appointed Bishop of my ward out of respect; since I knew him personally and understood that he was just fulfilling his calling.\n\nWe had an interesting discussion and he asked that I pray and read some verses in the Book of Mormon, which I did. It didn’t change my mind and when I made him aware that I still wished to continue with my decision, his nice demeanor changed. He went straight into, what he called disappointment, but came off as more frustration and he asked me if I remembered “when God cursed the Lamanites with dark skin” for rebelling.\n\nI gave him a confused look, which he thought meant that I hadn’t and he was kind of arrogant about it too. I quickly replied with a “no, I do remember, but I don’t see how it’s relative to the situation.” He explained that sinners or those who rebelled against god were cursed with a tan. Another question that was never answered was why God was a racist and then changed his mind right around the time of the Civil Rights Movement was going on.\n\nWe debated this for a time and he even tried to make it sound like the heroic LDS church was a front runner for equal rights, when you and I all know that wasn’t the case. If God loved his children equally, why would he allow that to happen in the first place? It seemed like a predominantly white religion was implying that whites are superior to humans of a different color, which I absolutely disagree with.\n\nWe even discussed gay marriage, where he said for certain that “God will never allow two members of the same sex to be married in the temple” even though the exact same thing was said about blacks being members or getting the priesthood. And even though in the Bible (Corinthians 10:9) it states, in regards to homosexuals “But if they cannot contain (abide) let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn (with lust).” The Bible itself supports gay marriage, so I don’t understand what that whole kerfuffle was about. Actually I do, but whatever, luckily that matter is behind us. Well… hopefully.\n\nWe shook hands and went our separate ways and I’ve never been back. At first I felt like something was missing from my life and then realized that it was a sense of freedom. Like when you’ve been paying off a credit card for several years and then it’s finally down to zero.\n\n![Image of freedom](http://www.godisreal.today/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/who-is-god-love-freedom.jpg)\n\nDuring my mission, there were several prospects who had asked, straight up, why they should join the church. My companion would give the textbook answer of the gospel being the only true gospel and Joseph Smith being the prophet of the latter days, etc etc.\n\nI told them they didn’t have to. “You shouldn’t do something out of obligation. You should join, only if you feel like it’s the right thing to do, for you and your family. Do what you feel is right.” I got in trouble several times for telling people that. Which I didn’t care, I was being honest and truthful instead of manipulative and so I followed my own advice. I did what was right for me.\n\nSo in conclusion, the answer to my question that started me on this journey is, I have no clue why God does what he does. I only hope he’s willing to explain himself when I ask, because you can bet every kingdom in heaven I’m going to be asking him a lot of questions. Unless I’m allowed to sit in during his discussion with Richard Dawkins, because I’m sure we’ll have a lot of similar questions. \n\nIn case you’re wondering what I still believe in, I believe the Book of Mormon musical is hilarious and everyone should see it! \n\n![Image of BOM musical](https://elderjohnson.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/trey-parker-matt-stone-book-of-mormon-525x608.jpg)\n\nIn all seriousness, I believe that Science, God and Religion are three separate things and should be treated as such. Just like books you have non-fiction, fiction and religious texts.\n\nI wish you all the very best and I thank you for taking the time to read this, longer than probably necessary, story about my journey and what lead me to make this decision. It took me a very long time to condense 20+ years of my journey into 3 parts. Sadly I had to leave out a lot of details, but I hope it all made sense. Thank you again and happy travels.\n\n![Image of breaking chains](http://randalldsmith.com/wp-content/themes/modular/lib/scripts/timthumb/thumb.php?src=http://randalldsmith.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/freedom.jpg&w=614&h=236&zc=1&q=100)\n \n“The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage.” – Carrie Jones",
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      "body": "The MTC was pretty much what I expected. A complex, similar to what I imagine a small university would be like; where you follow strict rules, learn the lessons you are going to be teaching potential investigators, grow your testimony and eat food that gives you the worst stomach ache imaginable.\n \nSeriously, I don’t know what they put in their food there, but it kills your stomach. I’ve never been in as much pain, before or since, than what I felt twenty minutes after eating the MTC’s food. I dreaded eating lunch, because of the inevitable pain that was to follow. It didn’t help my companion either, who had IBS and had to stop to “play statue” every few minutes. \n \nElder Ebeglin (or something like that) was his name; A portly fellow with a distinct laugh. He was a really cool guy. I liked him. He was (probably still is) a semi-pro paint baller who loathed potatoes, because he was from Idaho and was sick of them.\n \nSo after the long 2 or 3 weeks the group of us, set to serve in Sacramento, California, loaded into a van and traveled to the Salt Lake International Airport, where my Mom and 2 brothers surprised me with a small farewell. It was a nice moment to say one last goodbye, for what was supposed to be 2 years.\n \nFlying into Sacramento is 100% different than flying into Los Angeles. In LA, it’s just buildings and freeways for miles. You might see a park if you’re lucky. Surrounding the Sacramento Airport is nothing but green fields as far as the eye can see, in the distance is downtown Sacramento and behind that are the snow capped peaks of the Sierra Nevada’s. It’s a beautiful area and I highly recommend driving past it on the way to San Francisco.\n \nI’m joking. Sacramento is a beautiful place. The downtown area has a similar vibe to downtown Salt Lake. On the banks of the Sacramento River is Old Sac. A pretty cool, old western touristy spot and there’s the old Sutter’s Fort as well, which has its perks. Other than that, it’s your average small-medium sized city, with a Hard Rock Café and other things that Missionaries aren’t allowed to partake in.\n \n![Image of Sacramento](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/40/Sacramento_Skyline_(cropped).jpg)\nphoto from [Rigley Realty Group](http://www.rigleyrealtygroup.com)\n \n\nAfter stepping off of the plane, the group of us grabbed our luggage and made our way to the escalators. At the bottom was a group of kids and an old man, dressed in suites that didn’t fit very well. I can’t be one to judge, I have yet to meet a missionary that fits his suit, myself included. It’s always too big or too small, depending on how long they’ve been serving. I blame the guys at Mr. Mac and myself for listening to their recommendations.\n \nThe old man stepped forward and introduced himself as President Huff, our mission president for the time being. He ran a tight ship. Everything about us had to be completely conservative; no flashy ties and a part in our hair big enough to land a 747. President Huff was a retired lawyer and apparently a member of the Quorum of the 70. So basically he was a big dog and he made us very aware of it.\n \nI immediately knew that I was going to have a difficult time respecting this retired lawyer with an ego complex. The very first words out of his mouth were, “Welcome to Sacramento gentleman. Look over there,” he turned and pointed to an attractive young woman, dressed in flip flops, jean shorts, a yellow tank top over a black bra, looking over a magazine stand. It sounds like I’m describing a normal human being doesn’t it. “That right there is the enemy.” He said turning back with a subtle grin as every single missionary, except for me, condoned with a laugh. I glanced around just to see if I was actually alone, in my disagreement with this statement and sadly, I was.\n \nHe continued speaking for a short time afterwards, but I had tuned him out. I continued to look at this woman, this daughter of God, trying to figure out what he could possibly mean by her “being the enemy.” I know why he said it now, he’s a misogynistic ass hole, but that wasn’t the point.\n \nAfter he ordered the group to follow him, I made my way over to this woman, determined to prove this prick incorrect. You might think that I’m being too harsh, dramatic, rebellious or just plain disrespectful about this leader, appointed by God, but stick around and you’ll see.\n \nI tapped her on the shoulder, “Excuse me.” She turned and quickly responded that she wasn’t interested.\n \n“I don’t blame you.” I said. This must have intrigued her, because she turned around again and let out a little smile. “I only have one question.”\n \n“Yes I found Jesus.” She quipped.\n \nI laughed and pointed to President Huff, who had halted the group and was staring at us now. “Do you know that elderly man over there?” I asked.\n \n“No. Why?” She was understandably confused.\n \n“He told us that you were the enemy and I was a little confused by that.” The mixed look of confusion and being offended is a difficult look to describe, but I continued “You see, I don’t agree with him at all.” I said with a raised volume, aimed in his direction, “I think you are a beautiful human being, whom I would love to get to know, so hopefully I knock on your door and you actually answer. If not I wish you all the happiness in the world.”\n \nShe, confused but politely, thanked me and we shook hands. I rejoined the group, to a clearly irritated mission president and we followed him out. I gave one last look, over my shoulder, to the woman, who was now giving the biggest hug to a recently returning army veteran.\n \nWe loaded in to two vans. President Huff rode in the leading van and I, having been asked by the Zone Leaders, rode in the trailing van. We took the freeway through downtown Sacramento and into a very nice suburb, where we joined President Huff’s wife and son for a quick welcoming and one on one interviews.\n \nI hung out in the backyard waiting for my turn with the Mission President. When Mrs. Huff let me know it was time, I walked over and stepped into his office. He put on a pleasing smile and shut the door behind me. We sat at his desk and he asked me to pull my chair next to him, so I did.\n \n“What was your intention today at the airport?” He asked.\n \n“I could ask you the same question.” I responded. Clearly agitating him some more. One thing I’ve learned, is when somebody is used to being in control or dominating others and you show them they aren’t, they lose their patience very quickly. Since he was a lawyer, he lasted a little longer and didn’t quite break his composure.\n \n“Attractive women are a distraction to young men. I said it as a way to relax you boys and remind you to remain focused.” He said through a gritted smile.\n \n“And you thought calling a child of God the enemy was the best way to do that?” At this point his jaw became clenched and his face became a little red. “I thought Satan was.”\n \nI remember him trying to explain himself for a brief moment then quickly changing his strategy. He went for more of an intimidation tactic.\n \n“If you have a problem with the way I do things, bring it up to me in private not in a public display of rebellion. Obey my requests or I will send you home without a moment’s hesitation.”\n \nObey. Like I was a dog or something. I had just got there and I still wanted to prove to myself and to God that I could do this, so I took this threat very seriously. I muttered out a “Will do.” \n \nWe spoke a little longer, mostly him asking about my past transgressions and what sins I was dealing with. I don’t remember the exact details. I actually don’t remember most of that first day. I remember day 2 sitting in a church, listening to President Huff give a speech about what a great work we are doing and him calling out our new companions, like he was the sorting hat from Hogwarts.\n \nI was introduced to my first companion, Elder Welker from Texas. I don’t remember much about him, except that he drove me absolutely insane. He was extremely lazy and always walked around in just his garments. Gross. “I don’t want to see that, put on some gym shorts or something.” I would say several times throughout my first transfer.\n \n![Image of Missionaries](https://missionary.lds.org/clothing/bc/o/elder/guidelines/elders-general-guidelines-21.jpg)\nPhoto from [lds.org](https://missionary.lds.org/clothing/elder/guidelines?lang=eng)\n\nMy first area of service was in Florin and Elk Grove, before being transferred to East Sac. I enjoyed my mission for the most part. I had some really cool roommates and some not so cool ones. The weather was amazing, except for the monsoon like rains that hit us in November/December. It was weird having a Christmas and Thanksgiving without some snow, but I enjoyed it.\n \nI was able to meet some really amazing people during my time in Sac-town, but I was constantly being reprimanded for my actions. I could laundry list them, but that would get annoying. So I’ll share the highlights.\n \nIn Florin there’s a street called “Young Street”. At the time it was one of the worst streets in the Sacramento area, full of drug dealers, gangsters, you name it. “Not a place for a white boy.” One of the residents would soon tell me. Well my first trip to through that street, I didn’t know that and I was heckled by a kid hanging out on the porch. I stopped to talk to him; my companion was not comfortable with it and urged me to keep following.\n \nLong story short, I made friends with most of the people living on that street and when somebody, who didn’t live there, wanted to start some trouble with us the entire street had our back. It was a cool feeling and an interesting event. None of them wanted a book or to learn about the church, but they did enjoy talking with the white boy from Utah who let them know that they still had a future, even if it didn’t seem like it at the present time. When word of this got back to the District and Zone leaders, I got in trouble for wasting time, not teaching a lesson and not trying to convert them.\n \nAnother time we were in a church for some meeting and the Bishop’s daughter was chatting with a group us. When she had to leave, I shook her hand and she did one of those two hands over my one, type of shakes. My companion acted like it was a huge deal, because apparently that was the “missionary hug” and he never got one of those from her. Yes, she was very cute, but the way he was acting about it was ridiculous. So I asked her if that’s what it was and she said “yes,” so I gave her a normal hug. I’ve always been a hugger and it’s never been anything more than just a hug for me. It even has health benefits like releasing endorphins, creating a feeling of respect or love, it’s also a way to say hello in many cultures... Anyway, I was scolded and told that I’m “not allowed to hug members of the opposite sex.” \n \nWhen I asked “why,” I was given the most idiotic answer I’ve ever heard. “Hugs give off a sexual feeling and missionaries aren’t allowed to experience those emotions.” My response was along the lines of “Maybe if you’re an immature adolescent they do.” I tried to explain to President Huff there was no ulterior motive to my hugs and of course he didn’t care, I wasn’t allowed to hug females… but males are just fine, because… reasons. These were just some of many confrontations I had with President Huff. \n \nEvery few weeks we could have special one on one time to ask him anything. I thought this was going to be a special opportunity to learn from an elite member of the church. Well I was wrong.\n \nEvery morning or evening, depending on the day’s schedule, missionaries are granted personal study time. I had delved deep into the Bible and Book of Mormon and had quite a few questions, so when the opportunity arose to gain some clarification, I was grateful and a little excited.\n \nMy first legit question was, “The wedding that Jesus is in attendance for; is that his wedding for his marriage to Mary Magdalene?” He let out a breath and it seemed like he didn’t want to answer me at first, for some reason. I reassured him it was for my own personal knowledge and not something I would be teaching prospects. His answer was the most information I would ever receive in these meetings with him. “The church doesn’t have an official stance on this matter and I don’t want you to focus on it anymore.” \n \nTo which I responded, “Then what’s your opinion on it?”\n \n“It’s possible.” It wasn’t much, but it was more than the rest.\n \nFor anything else I was curious about, I would get the exact same response of, “When you’re mature enough or ready to know, then I’ll tell you.” That was the most infuriating response I could ever receive. If I wasn’t ready to know, then I wouldn’t have asked.\n \nI asked about Noah’s flood and how it was possible. “When you’re ready to know, then I’ll tell you.”\n \nI asked why God changed his mind about black people after apparently cursing them. “When you’re mature enough or ready to know, then I’ll tell you.”\n \nIf God loves all of his children, why would he only allow one particular group (religion) into heaven? – “When you’re ready to know, then I’ll tell you.”\n \nThese questions spanned over several meetings with President Huff, but they all ended up the same way, me getting frustrated and stating that I didn’t have any more questions and walking out. I eventually got fed up enough that I decided to have some fun. In one of my last meetings with him I asked where Dinosaurs fit into God’s plan.\n \nThis one he finally switched up. He started out with the usual “God has his reasons for doing things.”\n \n“Which is?”\n \n“If you really want to know, then you need to pray and find out.”\n \n“Let’s say I did that.”\n \n“Then what was your answer?”\n \n“To ask you.”\n \nThis witty banter went back and forth for a couple minutes, before I finally said, “If you don’t know, then just say so. I’d have more respect for you if you did.”\n \n“I don’t need your respect.” Was his answer. All my respect vanished and I stood up and immediately walked out the door. I got in trouble for that as well. \"Leaving without being excused.\"\n\nThat night, while my companion slept, I prayed asking for help. I needed any kind of answer and nothing came, so in the morning I decided that I was done serving a mission.\n \nThe next meeting I pulled him aside and told him I wanted to go home. We discussed why and he let me have his honest opinion of me. It was a very sad moment and I even broke down crying. I felt like a failure, but worse, I felt like everything about this church was a lie. I asked him if I could call my mom. I needed a trustworthy person to talk to. Nothing was making sense. He denied my request and sent in my companion to comfort me... I think it was more of a way for him to be out of my presence and to pass the buck.\n \nThe next day he offered me one last option. To see a professional counselor and work out whatever it was that was bothering me. I agreed to do so and he made another condition; if the counselor recommends or prescribes any medication I must take it or be sent home. I can’t even deny taking the medication.\n \n![Image of Sadness](http://nomorestranger.wpengine.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/sadness.jpg)\nPhoto from [www.nomorestrangers.org](http://www.nomorestrangers.org/sadness/)\n\nI agreed to do so and the family we were staying with drove me down to Stockton to meet with the counselor. It was a pretty short meeting, but I felt like it didn’t matter what I said, he was going to prescribe something either way.\n \nNow if any of you know me well enough, you know that I loathe medication and doctors. Taking a poison to mask the problem doesn’t fix the problem, it makes it worse. So when I was prescribed Zoloft, since I had “anxiety” issues, I had my reservations. Especially since Zoloft is an anti-depressant that has led to the deaths of a lot of kids and teens.\n \nThe first time I took the pill was the worst day ever. Everything became numb and I slowed way down. My reaction time was delayed, I had tunnel vision and I had absolutely zero motivation. I just kind of existed with no real purpose in a meat suit. So I immediately stopped taking the pills and then did what I knew would help, I called my mom. Talking to her helped out enough that I could focus again and was happy to get the Lord’s work back on track. Super-mom to rescue once again!\n \nShortly after that, President Huff found out that I had stopped taking my medication and called me up, reminding me of our deal. We argued back and forth, but eventually I gave up. If he wanted me to take the medication I would. That evening, I took the remaining contents of the pill bottle and when I closed my eyes, I didn’t expect to wake up the next morning.\n \nWhen I did, however, it was to my body having chills and the shakes. We went through the usual morning routine and later began knocking doors. Even in the direct sunlight with the temperature being in the mid-high 80’s I was still shaking like I was freezing. My companion called up the District Leader, who called the Zone Leaders who then called President Huff and I told him what happened. The next day he called to tell me I was going home, because I was too much of a liability.\n \nOn March 18, 2008 I returned home and began the third part of my journey.",
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      "title": "Leaving the LDS Church (Part 01)",
      "body": "DISCLAIMER!!!\nI originally wrote this story back in August 2015, in 3 parts to make it easier to read.\nSeveral people have asked to read it again or for the link so they can share it.\nSince the old website I used to write the original story is no longer working, I decided to move it over here.\nI apologize that it isn't original content, but we'll get there. I promise.\nSo with that, here's PART 01\n\n-------\n\nI guess, I could start somewhere near the beginning. I grew up in the suburbs of the Salt Lake Valley, born into a semi active LDS family. I was baptized at the age of 8, just like every other child that I knew. From what I remember, my mother had to fight to get us to attend church, most of the time, which I'm sure is the case for most families.\n\nWhen we did end up attending, I would usually have an enjoyable experience. I would read along and participate on occasion. Every now and then certain topics of discussion would confuse me, whether it was a lesson from the Bible or the Book of Mormon, but for the most part I would just go along and take what they were teaching as fact. I trusted my teachers. I mean, how could an adult be wrong? And they certainly wouldn't *lie* to a child.\n\nI do remember, at a very early age, I raised my hand, seeking to understand a particular topic better. The response I received was something that I would hear repeatedly for many, many years. \"When it comes to God, you just have to have faith, trust and believe in him.\" A cop out answer that I later learned meant, \"I don't know and I'm not comfortable enough to admit it.\" \n\nI remember sitting in that class, that day, feeling somewhat empty. That answer wasn't good enough. I wanted more. I wanted a **real** answer! Some type of evidence or reason for why God does what he does.\n\nI think this event was one that molded me into the inquisitive mind that I am today. If I don't know something, I research and learn as much as I can until I find an answer. Even if it's an answer that I don't want, or even expect, at least it's an answer other than \"I don't know, but I have faith.\"\n\nI still enjoyed a lot of the aspects to the LDS church. Scouting and camping trips were frequent, fun activities. I had church ball (Mormon basketball) to look forward to every winter and plenty of friends to hang out with. There's an amazing sense of camaraderie and, for the most part, a welcoming community; when they're not gossiping about each other.\n\n-----\n\nIn school, science was never much of a focus for me. I enjoyed learning about how everything worked, but my main focus was sports. It was always at the top of my priority list, so I didn't apply myself, towards schooling, as much as I should have. On occasion though, something would spark my interest and I would dive into the world of learning.\n\nIt was around 8th or 9th grade, I began to question The Bible's credibility and thereafter the credibility of those preaching from it. We were on the topic of space, gravity, relativity, stars etc. My teacher got on the topic of light years and what light speed was, from that one movie where Han shoots first.\n\n\"The light we are seeing left their respective stars, in some cases, several thousand years ago and others, millions.\" He said. The statement began to open my mind and I grew more curious about the universe. You mean stars aren't the great kings of the past? They really are giant balls of gas burning billions of miles away? Pumba was right?!\n\n\"But, my bishop says,\" a kids few rows over from me spoke, with an outstretched hand; eager to be the smartest kid in the whatever. \"He says that God created the universe six thousand years ago...\"\n\n\"Well, then I guess he's wrong then, huh?\" Is what entered my mind, followed quickly by a \"Then what's true?\"\n\nThe teacher responded very respectfully, \"These are just the facts. Present them to your bishop and see what he says.\" He returned to his brand new white board, that he was so overly happy to have and moved onto the topic of Dinosaurs, \"Creatures who roamed the Earth over 65 million years ago.\" He said, clearly a jab at my classmate.\n\n![Image of Dinosuar](http://www.funny-animalpictures.com/media/content/items/images/funnydinosaurs0028_O.jpg)\n\n[www.funny-animalpictures.com](http://www.funny-animalpictures.com/funny-dinosaurs-0028)\n\nDinosaurs? 65 million years? There's no mention of these creatures in The Bible. The first fossil of these magnificent beings wasn't discovered until the mid-late 1600's and they thought it belonged to a \"fee-fi-fo-fum\" giant. Dinosaurs weren't really a thing until the 1820's when somebody found, I think it was, a Megalosaurus. So, of course, the men who created The Bible wouldn't have been able to know about them, it was 1400 - 1800 years before their discovery and of course God wouldn't tell his prophets and authors that they existed, because they aren't part of his grand plan. That's why there's no mention of them. Right? \"I know! I'll ask my Sunday School teacher. He'll know!\"\n\nHe, of course, didn't. \"I don't know why God does what he does, all I know is I believe in...\" blah, blah, blah, he went into the stock response. \"If you don't know something, say you don't know and then bear your testimony. The power of the Holy Ghost will fill them with the spirit and they will know that you believe in God.\" This is an actual recommendation, given to me; by an ordained priesthood leader of my church (I don't remember his name).\n\nSo, after receiving the standard response, I went to my Bishop and asked him flat out, \"What is God's purpose for the Dinosaurs?\" I was as stern as a 10 -12 year old could be. \"Fossil fuels.\"  He responded, surprisingly quickly. I left the amused room of people with an answer, finally. That statement made sense to me. We over use fossil fuels every day to keep the world running. So, God created them and then killed them with a meteor (allegedly) so that we would have them as a resource... millions of years later... and cause a dangerous climate change.\n\nMuch later in life, I learned of an amazing man named Nikola Tesla and his ambitious plans to give the world sustainable, free energy. I also learned that various people didn't like that idea. They wanted to go the route of making the most money. So the government/corporation backed Edison won and now we pay for electricity and energy, which goes out frequently during the summer months. We also use fossil fuels to drive around because that's what God wanted; was for us to destroy our planet with fossil fuels and not use safe, free, renewable energy. I guess God really does work in mysterious, confusing ways.\n\nTime passed and I went through the normal, Mormon growing up in Utah, paces. I received my [Patriarchal Blessing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriarchal_blessing) and was excited about some of the things it said. As a little Mormon boy, you hear about all the great things Joseph Smith did and how he overcame so many trials at such a young age. I even wondered if I could be that special boy; the next Joseph Smith. So when I found out that I was from the tribe of Zebulon, instead of the popular one that everyone, including members of my family, belonged to, I was ecstatic. I was different! I was special!\n\nIt also talked about what I did in the pre-existence and what God’s plans were for me. It listed a lot of things that I thought was cool at age 12 or 14, like serving a full time mission, getting married and having kids, studying at the Lord’s University and a bunch of other things.\n\nFor those who don’t know what a patriarchal blessing is, it’s a blessing from an ordained Patriarch that comes directly from God. It’s kind of a roadmap for your life and a look into who you are as a spiritual being.\n\nAnyway, as time passed, my knowledge of facts grew and my inquiries about the alleged “truths” and beliefs of the church became more frequent. I had an eye opening moment after my high school history teacher pointed out to me that one of my beliefs was built on the fact that I grew up LDS in Utah, I’m pretty sure it was a discussion about gay marriage. She was absolutely correct in her assumption, but at the time I thought that it couldn’t be true. I came to this conclusion all by myself. Nobody influenced, brain washed or indoctrinated me. Right? Right??\n\n-----\n\nTime passed and I would have my spurts of regular church attendance, but for the most part a consistent doubt lingered. As my 19th birthday drew closer the talk of my going on a mission was rarely brought up by my family. There was some pressure laid on by my grandmother, but nothing from my parents. All of my closest friends were going and it was something that a good Mormon boy is supposed to do. At this point, I couldn’t honestly say that I had a strong testimony about the church or gospel. What I did have was a love and respect for people.\n\nIt’s sad, but I see a lot of religious people struggling with this every day. They have the, if you don’t believe in “MY GOD” you must die, attitude. You don’t believe the same thing I do? Then you are evil and not worth my time or God’s love. Some of the least Christian-like people are Christians, oddly enough. Yes, there are some amazing people in every religion and there are also many amazing people who aren’t religious. Good people are good people; it doesn’t matter where they spend their time on Sunday.\n\nSo when I finally decided to go on a mission, it wasn’t because I loved the gospel, or the church or Joseph Smith or that I wanted to share it with the world. I definitely didn’t have a desire to go and baptize a bunch of people either, unlike the majority of my counterparts. I wanted to show the world, or wherever I was serving, that there was at least one Mormon Missionary who cared about them, loved them for who they were and didn’t look at them as just another statistic on a record sheet.\n\nThere was a point shortly before I left, I don’t remember exactly when on the timeline, but I do remember that I had this strong moment of doubt. So I went into my room, shut the door, knelt down and prayed. I asked for two things, was the church true and should I go on a mission? I received a very quick confirmation of “yes” I should go on a mission, but nothing in regards to the truthfulness of the church. I’ve asked several times over the course of my life and have never received a confirmation of any church being the one true church.\n\nOn October 31, 2007 I was dropped off at the Missionary Training Center in Provo and began the journey that would test my faith to the fullest and what I thought would mold me into the person my Heavenly Father wanted me to be. Oddly enough this path, of serving a mission, was the same path that would ultimately lead to my leaving The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.\n\n![Image of Temple](https://photos.smugmug.com/Portfolio/CIVILIZATIONS/Civilization/i-WSDsdkZ/0/XL/Templeset-XL.jpg) \n\n\n\n[www.karenhuttonphotography.com/](http://www.karenhuttonphotography.com/)",
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