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      "author": "ladob",
      "body": ">_¿Qué puedo saber de lo que seré, yo que no sé lo que soy?\n¿Ser lo que pienso? ¡Pienso ser tantas cosas!\n¡Y hay tantos que piensan ser esas mismas cosas que no podemos ser tantos!_\n\nQueridas y hermosas criaturas!! Tantos versos me hicieron crujir el corazón y al terminar de leerlo mis pensamientos habían sido licuados... Vivo con un ojo al gato y el otro al garabato, prestando minuciosa atención a lo que se aparece de pronto en la cotidianeidad de los días, pensando que hay que captarlo todo como pequeñas (o grandes) señales. Comprendiendo que es nuestra energía rebotando, pienso que de esta manera podremos descifrar nuestro ser o al menos tener una mejor visión, y es por esto que quiero compartirles este poema que hoy llegó a resonar en mi vida, como todo lo bonito que me mueve y me conmueve:\n\n«No soy nada.\nNunca seré nada.\nNo puedo querer ser nada.\nAparte de esto, tengo en mí todos los sueños del mundo.\n\nVentanas de mi cuarto,\ncuarto de uno de los millones en el mundo que nadie sabe quién son\n(y si lo supiesen, ¿qué sabrían?)\nVentanas que dan al misterio de una calle cruzada constantemente por la gente,\ncalle inaccesible a todos los pensamientos,\nreal, imposiblemente real, cierta, desconocidamente cierta,\ncon el misterio de las cosas bajo las piedras y los seres,\ncon el de la muerte que traza manchas húmedas en las paredes,\ncon el del destino que conduce al carro de todo por la calle de nada.\n\nHoy estoy convencido como si supiese la verdad,\nlúcido como su estuviese por morir\ny no tuviese más hermandad con las cosas que la de una despedida,\ny la hilera de trenes de un convoy desfila frente a mí\ny hay un largo silbido\ndentro de mi cráneo\ny hay una sacudida en mis nervios y crujen mis huesos en la arrancada.\n\nHoy estoy perplejo, como quien pensó y encontró y olvidó,\nhoy estoy dividido entre la lealtad que debo\na la Tabaquería del otro lado de la calle, como cosa real por fuera,\ny la sensación de que todo es sueño, como cosa real por dentro.\n\nFallé en todo.\nComo no tuve propósito alguno tal vez todo fue nada.\nLo que me enseñaron\nlo eché por la ventana del traspatio.\nAyer fui al campo con grandes propósitos.\nencontré sólo hierbas y árboles\ny la gente que había era igual a la otra.\nDejo la ventana y me siento en una silla. ¿En qué he de pensar?\n\n¿Qué puedo saber de lo que seré, yo que no sé lo que soy?\n¿Ser lo que pienso? ¡Pienso ser tantas cosas!\n¡Y hay tantos que piensan ser esas mismas cosas que no podemos ser tantos!\n\n¿Genio? En este momento\ncien mil cerebros se creen en sueños genios como yo\ny la historia no recordará, ¿quién sabe?, ni uno,\ny sólo habrá un muladar para tantas futuras conquistas.\nNo, no creo en mí.\n¡En tantos manicomios hay tantos locos con tantas certezas!\nYo, que no tengo ninguna ¿puedo estar en lo cierto?\nNo, en mí no creo.\n¿En cuántas buhardillas y no-buhardillas del mundo\ngenios-para-sí-mismos a esta hora están soñando?\n¿Cuántas aspiraciones altas y nobles y lúcidas\n-sí, de veras altas y nobles y lúcidas-\nquizá realizables,\nno verán nunca la luz del sol real ni llegarán a oídos de la gente?\n\nEl mundo es para los que nacieron para conquistarlo\nno para los que sueñan que pueden conquistarlo, aunque tengan razón.\nHe soñado más que todas las hazañas de Napoleón.\nHe abrazado en mi pecho hipotético más humanidades que Cristo,\nhe pensado en secreto más filosofías que las escritas por ningún Kant.\nPero soy y seré siempre el de la buhardilla,\naunque no viva en ella.\nSeré siempre el que no nació para eso.\nSeré siempre sólo el que tenía algunas cualidades,\nseré siempre el que aguardó que le abrieran la puerta frente a un muro que no tenía puerta,\nel que cantó el cántico del Infinito en un gallinero,\nel que oyó la voz de Dios en un pozo cegado.\n¿Creer en mí? Ni en mí ni en nada.\nDerrame la naturaleza su sol y su lluvia\nsobre mi ardiente cabeza y que su viento me despeine\ny después que venga lo que viniere o tiene que venir o no ha de venir.\nEsclavos cardíacos de las estrellas,\nconquistamos al mundo antes de levantarnos de la cama;\nnos despertamos y se vuelve opaco;\nsalimos a la calle y se vuelve ajeno,\nes la tierra y el sistema solar y la Vía Láctea y lo Indefinido.\n\n(Come chocolates, muchacha,\n¡Come chocolates!\nMira que no hay metafísica en el mundo como los chocolates,\nmira que todas las religiones enseñan menos que la confitería.\n¡Come, sucia muchacha, come!\n¡Si yo pudiese comer chocolates con la misma verdad con que tú los comes!\nPero yo pienso y al arrancar el papel de plata, que es de estaño,\necho por tierra todo, mi vida misma.)\n\nQueda al menos la amargura de lo que nunca seré,\nla caligrafía rápida de estos versos,\npórtico que mira hacia lo imposible.\nAl menos me otorgo a mí mismo un desprecio sin lágrimas,\nnoble al menos por el gesto amplio con que arrojo,\nsin prenda, la ropa sucia que soy al tumulto del mundo\ny me quedo en casa sin camisa.\n\n(Tú que consuelas y no existes, y por eso consuelas,\nDiosa griega, estatua engendrada viva,\npatricia romana, imposible y nefasta,\nprincesa de los trovadores, escotada marquesa del dieciocho,\ncocotte célebre del tiempo de nuestros abuelos,\no no sé cual moderna -no acierto bien la cual-\nsea lo que seas y la que seas, ¡si puedes inspirar, inspírame!\nMi corazón es un balde vacío.\nComo invocan espíritus los que invocan espíritus me invoco,\nme invoco a mí mismo y nada aparece.\nMe acerco a la ventana y veo la calle con una nitidez absoluta.\nVeo las tiendas, la acera, veo los coches que pasan,\nveo los entes vivos vestidos que pasan,\nveo los perros que también existen,\ny todo esto me parece una condena a la degradación\ny todo esto, como todo, me es ajeno.)\n\nViví, estudié, amé y hasta tuve fe.\nHoy no hay mendigo al que no envidie sólo por ser él y no yo.\n\nEn cada uno veo el andrajo, la llaga y la mentira.\ny pienso: tal vez nunca viviste, ni estudiaste, ni amaste, ni creíste\n(Porque es posible dar realidad a todo esto sin hacer nada de todo esto.)\nTal vez has existido apenas como la lagartija a la que cortan el rabo\nY el rabo salta, separado del cuerpo.\n\nHice conmigo lo que no sabía hacer.\nY no hice lo que podía.\nEl disfraz que me puse no era el mío.\nCreyeron que yo era el que no era, no los desmentí y me perdí.\nCuando quise arrancarme la máscara,\nla tenía pegada a la cara.\nCuando la arranqué y me vi en el espejo,\nestaba desfigurado.\nEstaba borracho, no podía entrar en mi disfraz.\nLo acosté y me quedé afuera,\nDormí en el guardarropa\ncomo un perro tolerado por la gerencia\npor ser inofensivo.\nVoy a escribir este cuento para probar que soy sublime.\n\nEsencia musical de mis versos inútiles,\nquién pudiera encontrarte como cosa que yo hice\ny no encontrarme siempre enfrente de la Tabaquería de enfrente:\nPisan los pies la conciencia de estar existiendo\ncomo un tapete en el que tropieza un borracho\no la esterilla que se roban los gitanos y que no vale nada.\n\nEl Dueño de la Tabaquería aparece en la puerta y se instala contra la puerta.\nCon la incomodidad del que tiene el cuello torcido,\ncon la incomodidad de un alma torcida, lo veo.\nEl morirá y yo moriré.\nEl dejará su rótulo y yo dejaré mis versos.\nEn un momento dado morirá el rótulo y morirán mis versos.\nDespués, en otro momento, morirán la calle donde estaba pintado el rótulo\ny el idioma en que fueron escritos los versos.\nDespués morirá el planeta gigante donde pasó todo esto.\nEn otros planetas de otros sistemas algo parecido a la gente\ncontinuará haciendo cosas parecidas a versos,\nparecidas a vivir bajo un rótulo de tienda,\nsiempre una cosa frente a otra cosa,\nsiempre una cosa tan inútil como la otra,\nsiempre lo imposible tan estúpido como lo real,\nsiempre el misterio del fondo tan cierto como el misterio de la superficie,\nsiempre ésta o aquella cosa o ni una cosa ni la otra.\n\nUn hombre entra a la Tabaquería (¿para comprar tabaco?),\ny la realidad plausible cae de repente sobre mí.\nMe enderezo a medias, enérgico, convencido, humano,\ny se me ocurren estos versos en que diré lo contrario.\n\nEnciendo un cigarro al pensar en escribirlos\ny saboreo en el cigarro la libertad de todos los pensamientos.\nFumo y sigo al humo con mi estela,\ny gozo, en un momento sensible y alerta,\nla liberación de todas las especulaciones\ny la conciencia de que la metafísica es el resultado de una indisposición.\ny después de esto me reclino en mi silla\ny continúo fumando.\nSeguiré fumando hasta que el destino lo quiera.\n\n(Si me casase con la hija de la lavandera\nquizá sería feliz).\nVisto esto, me levanto. Me acerco a la ventana.\nEl hombre sale de la Tabaquería (¿guarda el cambio en la bolsa del pantalón?),\nah, lo conozco, es Estevez, que ignora la metafísica.\n(El Dueño de la Tabaquería aparece en la puerta).\nMovido por un instinto adivinatorio, Estevez se vuelve y me reconoce;\nme saluda con la mano y yo le grito ¡Adiós, Estevez! y el universo\nse reconstruye en mí sin ideal ni esperanza \ny el Dueño de la tabaquería sonríe.»\n\nLLeva como título “Tabaquería” de Fernando Pessoa, escrito tras la máscara de Álvaro de Campos, apenas lo descubrí y me ha dejado muy contenta.\nQue tengan una muy buena, bonita y productiva semana bajo el marrrr de lo impredescible  jijiji\nAbrazos fuertes!!\n![ventanas.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmXWEF7QMAuq1uGdqp1UdrxcJtZRyt6kmj84VUztC1x4uZ/ventanas.jpg)",
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