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      "body": "Today, I want to touch on a topic I’ve been wanting to dig into a little bit further for a while now -- humanity needs to do a better job treating each other better (myself included!). I touched on this through the lens of listening to each other’s views and talking calmly and logically about counterpoints with each other, but before we even get there, it needs to start at a base level of kindness.\n\nBut, Brian, you say, why should I care? Why does any of this matter? We all have to live in this awful world and nobody has reason to make it better for me, so why make it better for them? Well, if we all thought that, we’d still be in prehistoric times chopping each other’s heads off over a loaf of bread. Let me paint a picture for you based on a personal experience of mine to help drive this point home.\n\nThe year is 2007, a young Brian is entering his sophomore year of college. Move-in day, freshly dropped off, and ready to roll. As usual, I met the guys on my hall, set up my state of the art fujitsu tablet that Virginia Tech engineering recommended, and got down to business. A few of the guys in my hall were a year ahead of me in the engineering program, so naturally we became friends throughout the semester (and i’d eventually sell my PS3 so we could play Xbox 360 together, even). As the semester rolled on, one of my hallmates (let’s call him Chickenlegs) ended up having a major issue with his hard drive\n\nIf you’re tech savvy, you know that when another tech savvy person brings you a broken computer you’re in for a challenge. That’s exactly what Chickenlegs did. A fellow engineering student, one year ahead of me, brings me a laptop with a dead hard drive and an assignment on it he didn’t back up and would have to restart if we couldn’t recover it. A fellow engineering student that happened to be in hardware while I was in Computer Science. A daunting task, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try a few fixes.\n\nI don’t even remember exactly what I did. One of the first few troubleshooting steps I tried worked. I think that it was a boot-to-DOS nice fancy check disk utility that could detect bad sectors, but that part isn’t important -- what is important is that I recovered the file and gave him back the laptop. To me at the time, this really wasn’t a huge deal, just something that was easy and I’d done a bunch of times on other machines. Little did I know that I’d planted the seed of a friendship that would last to this day, and hopefully forever.\n\nSure, we spent plenty of Friday and Saturday nights playing Gears of War in Chickenlegs’ dorm room, bonding and getting to know each other. But it wasn’t until 2016 that I really knew what an effect that small nice deed had, when I bet that Trump would win the Republican nomination and Chickenlegs had to give a 10 minute speech about why he loves me as part of the lost bet.\n\nFor a good portion of that speech, he talked about the laptop fix. Apparently that assignment was a real dog and would have been miserable to repeat so much that Chickenlegs thought he might not even complete it if it wasn’t recovered. It was then I realized that, even though the deed felt small to me and by then i’d almost forgotten about it, Chickenlegs held on to it for ten years and still appreciated it. It was a bit surprising, but it made me realize that any small effort on our part can really make a profound change in someone’s life or build a connection that never would have been possible before.\n\nNow, I’m not trying to brag here or say I’m great. I do plenty of awful things and treat people in ways that are really not fair, but I fight against that to be better every day. And if you join me in that fight, and just do one little tiny nice deed for someone EVEN if they’re annoying you, you never know what might come back 10 years later and surprise you.\n\nSo just remember this -- frustration and anger are easy. It’s a reaction that any of us can just unleash without much effort, as it originates in the most primal part of our brains. What’s harder is to capture that anger like an exception, evaluate why it’s there, and take action to improve the situation you’re in. So, the next time you want to honk at that guy in traffic or flip the bird to a guy playing music too loud, do me a favor and think twice about it -- let’s give each other a bit more benefit of the doubt and give a friendly wave instead. Maybe if we all do this once or twice more a day than usual, we’ll improve this crazy world and treat each other just a little bit better.",
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      "title": "Having Mindset-Shifting Conversations in Today’s Divided America",
      "body": "One theme that I’ve noticed, especially only on social media, is a tendency for conversations between folks of opposing views to quickly turn to nonsense and insults with a complete lack of substance. The easiest way to find examples of this is in any replies to Trump tweets:\n\n![](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPwRpMXaBAiiHSkeb6zmXmEGnXQWmwL1HMiEFBWFwLXxQ/image.png)\n\nThis goes in both Liberal -> Conservative and Conservative -> Liberal directions. Straight to insults.\n\nThe problem with a climate of discussions like this is that no room is left to actually articulate thoughts. Instead of having a civilized chat about why we think the other person might be wrong, it seems many folks are content to just chuck mud. This type of speech compounds and drives us further apart as a society rather than bringing everyone to the table to come up with reasonable compromises, leading to a portion of society completely stuck in their current mindset.\n\nIn a climate like this, I would have never grown into the person I am today. Rewind to 1992, a young Brian growing up in Bumpass, VA (yes -- this is a real place) is surrounded by starkly conservative views. Here’s a few fun facts about my childhood community that will enlighten you to just how behind this place is:\n\nMy high school taught “abstinence only” sex education, meaning that they only taught you shouldn’t have sex because Jesus is watching and sex is bad. Naturally, we had a rather high rate of teen pregnancy\nThe most LGBTQ support you’d hear is “I don’t mind the gays kissing, but they better not do it in front of me because it’s gross” (and even this much support was quite rare)\nThe total population is just under 10,000. 8,500 of those people are white, and when I visit home to this day, there are still many trucks and homes brandishing confederate flags\n\nGrowing up in this climate and in a tiny bubble of people, I had some pretty awful views in a lot of areas of the world. I won’t go into grave detail, because my mindset has grown and changed so much in the 12 years since I escaped. My point is this -- in today’s conversational climate, I highly doubt I would have been able to adapt and grow as quickly and upgrade my mentality to the level so many others have helped me get to.\n\nWe need to start talking to each other again.\n\nI remember heading to college sharing the same awful views about the LGBTQ community as everyone where I was from, simply because there were no alternate perspectives added for me. There’s a distinct conversation I had in college that really opened my eyes to how stupid I was.\n\nThe person I spoke with, let’s call her Doober (so it can’t possibly be found out what her true name is), a best friend of mine since late High School, ended up coming to the same college as me. We were eating at a fine dining establishment at Virginia Tech called Hokie Grill when a gay couple came in. Since, in this moment, my mindset was awful thanks to the closed-minded environment I grew up in, I had let out an audible sigh.\n\nDoober looked at me curiously and asked why, and I repeated the old adage I’d heard hundreds of times where I grew up: “I don’t really mind gay people, but I wish they wouldn’t flaunt it in front of me.” To which she immediately said, “Fine, I don’t mind straight people, but I wish they’d keep their love out of my sight.” Something clicked over immediately in my head, and I’d realized what a pile of crap I’d been for so long. Fortunately, i didn’t act on it or be aggressive towards those folks, I just had a terrible mindset about how humans should be treated. \n\nWe talked for a few hours after that about the community I grew up in (she was actually from the west coast, so had much more progressive views) and how my mindset on this topic was really quite wrong. Through that action and that conversation, I was able to adapt and grow and become a better person.\n\nIf I imagine that same topic in today’s climate, I doubt I get too far outside of my thought bubble. We’d just end up insulting each other and moving on to talk about how great the breadsticks are, or maybe that friendship would have never lasted. This conversation took place almost 10 years ago, and in the four to six years after that, my thoughts on the world would grow, morph, and change to become what makes sense -- “if it’s not hurting anyone, and makes someone happy, you should support it”.\n\nWhy?\n\nBecause, everyone needs a way to attain happiness. As we become more diverse and open in certain areas of society, we see all kinds of hobbies that were once considered strange coming to the forefront and supporting people’s joy. One example I learned about recently is around a community of people that wear mermaid tails and swim in the ocean in pods with each other. I love scuba diving myself, so this just seems like an amazing evolution on that where you get to be an ACTUAL MERMAID.\n\nJust take a look at some interviews with people in this community. A few years back, these folks didn’t have their outlet that brought them joy -- and now, as this community grows and thrives in the diverse, accepting pockets in America -- they’re able to find their footing and confidence.\n\nSo, the next time someone thinks differently than you, or has a hobby you don’t understand, try asking why -- you might just find out their perspective. If you just have a calm conversation about what their thoughts and mindset are, you might find out we’re all a lot closer together than it seems. We need to keep these conversations going, open each other’s eyes, and become more accepting together before it all slides backwards into a huge social schism.",
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