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      "body": "Go follow me on https://letterboxd.com/ragereviews/film/once-upon-a-time-in-hollywood/\n\nWhat makes Once Upon A Time in Hollywood so different? OK, Quentin, you had me at hello with your greasy porno theater janitor foot-fellating excitement over a 60's soundtrack, Brad Pitt's abs and access to Harvey Weinstein's trophy room. But what's to make this anything but a repeat of Pulp Fiction (an OK movie, in this miserly critic's judgment), or that godawful sexist racist old man fantasy The Hateful Eight (my third favorite film of his)?\n\nAhhhh...the 60's. A time when pot wouldn't get you high and acid might kill you. It was a great time, apparently. I wasn't there. Freedom, good music, cinema verite and jump cuts, all on graceful display here. Thankfully, Tarantino is just as quick to condemn hippie scum as a hook-handed World War II vet. But those hills sure are sunny.\n\nAll you need to know walking into this are two names. Sharon Tate and Charles Manson. They're the yin and yang here, angel and devil shoulders. Much has been tweeted, twittered, twat (?) of Margot Robbie being abused by the patriarchy for not having enough screen time. In a banal attempt at politeness, I'll just say that I hope to never meet any of these people.\n\nManson we see even less, and he's all but present in scenes where he's only mentioned. Omnipresence, word of the fuckin' day. On the surface it's all fun and games, but he's lurking there in the corner with the rat. Where Inglourious Basterds was a swashbuckling rewrite of history, and Hateful Eight a wistful meditation, Hollywood has it both ways and succeeds, delightfully. You know when the characters walk out in slow motion while a cheesy pop song plays? It's an out of body experience. Hasn't happened to me, until now.\n\nOh yeah, there's an all-star cast. But the spotlight is shone square on the two leads. The supporting players get a stray line or two, but don't come expecting an Al Pacino redemption role (\"Dunkaccino\", anyone?). I appreciated how DiCap gives Rick Dalton a stutter. Tells you all you need to know. Great choice, great actor.\n\nHowever, I think we'll all agree that Brad Pitt runs away with this thing. Another great comic performance from him, in the vein of Kalifornia ('93), Burn After Reading ('08), and Arrivedurrci. If I look half as good at 30 as this cocksucker does at 55, I'll quit booze and cigarettes forever.\n\nSome lines are off-putting (\"pumpkin puss\"?), some characters are questionable (white OJ), some scenes out of place (quick, dig up Sally Menke's corpse!) So what? They are the work of a craftsman, and the best talent Hollywood has left. And I mean likely the last of it. Fuck Jordan Peele and his poetry slam squad of scissors. Name another movie you've seen this year with this loud of a presence, and I'll show you a home movie of a Downs Syndrome kid at a piano recital.\n\nRATING: 9/10",
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      "body": "Promises were broken. After that wonderful week in Iceland, there was much talk about my not having to remember this next journey alone. We had an itinerary, hotel recommendations, the whole nine yards. But just as I'd feared, she couldn't wait six weeks for delivery. \n\nTime away is the ultimate test of loyalty. Most people in their twenties with any ounce of game are doomed to fail, no matter what the circumstances. My chemical delusions, professional hubris, and my infamously shitty home life were all factors that contributed to my round-the-clock binge drinking at the painting gig. The only cure for this misery was adventure.\n\nSo I returned to Europe. On the plane, an old Russian couple raped me into conversation for twelve hours about geopolitics, the dangers of communism, how only they could be real immigrants because they played by the rules. There's nothing worse than sitting next to annoying people. At least they didn't hit on me like that gay guy on Amtrak.\n\nAll I could think of was how bad she left me in Paris. After briefly visiting my friend as a Plan B, I took a bus to Amsterdam. My balls were singing the blues.\n\nSo in a fume of boredom and revenge, I decided to fuck a hooker.\n\nThe sex tourism industry in The Netherlands is a central attraction, and a great place to bring the kids. Better than Disneyland, that's for sure. Might teach 'em a thing or two about the real world. The museum of prostitution is a treat full of dark humor and pussy whipping madness. Broken headphones are included so that you can supposedly speak with a sex worker while you're gazing at antique ball gags and hockey masks. But when I made the call, all I got on the other end was static and snoring. Guess it's her day off.\n\nThe general rule is that the farther away from the red light district, the cheaper the whore. This is total bullshit. If you expect anything less than lies and deceit, you're a fool. I considered shoving my wallet up my ass just so I could focus on finishing. We'll get to that later.\n\nWhat culminated in my experience with a Dutch prostitute is one of the saddest accounts you will ever read. So if you get squeamish at graphic details, please for your own sake, stop here.\n\nI wish I could say I had taken magic truffles before fucking this hooker, but I'm not quite that experienced with psilocybin or hookers to write that story yet.\n\nBut I will say the night I did trip, the night following, it was fun just looking in the red windows. It turned the place into a sort of funhouse mirror collection. My hooker experience left me in a jaded mood to not give a fuck. Naturally, the hookers don't like being looked at for too long without making a decision. But they'll put on a show alright, if they catch even a side eye while you're with the wifey. I wonder if children at an orphanage do the same thing when foster parents walk by. I wouldn't know. Decisiveness was never one of my strong suits. But manners are of major importance to the Dutch, so realistically, if you have enough dignity to not look like a creep, you'd better just roll the dice and blindly knock on a random door.\n\nLuckily, my company for the evening looked like a shorter, chunkier Jennifer Lawrence with all the pent-up misandry one would expect from her, in hooker form. Deals are technically done at the door, but you know how it is. Maybe you don't. 50 euro for a blowjob. I was really angry at this other slut who fucked me over, really drunk and I have issues. So I'm like fuck it, I'll pay 100 for thirty minutes of actually fucking. We agree. She tells me to lie down like I'm at the doctor's office, places a napkin around my bush, puts a hat on my junk and starts blowing me rather roughly. I thought, OK, there's a tooth or two, but long as she doesn't start biting on it, what am I gonna do?\n\nSucking dick is the ultimate leverage in any situation. If women wanted ultimate power, they would do it constantly. Keep my dick in your mouth, I got no choice but to take you to Hamilton or do a yoga class with you.\n\nI ask where she's from. She says \"Amsterdam\", and I know she's lying, because she has a markedly different accent that reeked of Eastern Europe and goat dick.\n\n\"What's your name?\" Kimberly Clark. Yeah, sure. That's a decent pornstar name. Before I asked if she did porn, I began to realize maybe I should've just stayed in the hostel and jacked off to porn in front of nine other people. It would've been less awkward.\n\n\"No touch my pussy or I fucking kill you.\" Something about having your dick sucked makes you retarded. So I go \"Huh?\" Did we not have an agreement about three minutes ago? Then she gets all defensive. \"What the fuck do you think I am?\" The obvious answer is \"Whore\", but I still hadn't cum.\n\nSo like any gambling addict, what do you do? Throw down another 50 so she'll shut the fuck up and begin part two. I had to respect the hustle, and luckily I came prepared for this. Later on, I learned that this is a very common experience. The 50-100 euro average is total bullshit designed to sound like a bargain, when the extra 50 is considered \"gratuity\" at best and a scam at worst. Or maybe it's just a scam for foreigners, as the Dutch are very skeevy when it comes to tourists.\n\nLegal or not, there are no refunds with sex. There's no \"I'd like to speak with your manager\". Just shut the fuck up and get to work. And to Kimberly's credit, she started saying not so nice things to me to spice it up a bit. \"You touch my asshole, I fucking kill you.\" \"I cut your balls off and feed them to my dog.\" \"You sissy bitch, I bet your mother suck dick.\" Ugh! That was when it got disrespectful. I asked her one time if she could please be nice. \"Shut the fuck up. I make rules.\"\n\nI stood my ground, and told her in broken English. \"You make rules. I make rule now. Don't talk about my mother.\" She agreed, but I hardly saw that as victory. Then she decided to start bitching about how business was slow. It was almost midnight, and supposedly I was her first customer of the evening. I believed it. The competition was fierce, and being trapped behind glass is not exactly the best way to sell yourself to strangers. It kinda takes the fun out of it in a way.\n\nFrom what I could make out, rent was paid daily and about the cost of one client. That explained why many of the windows were empty after a certain hour. Get two clients and you could walk away with a hard day's salary. If you still saw a lady in the window after midnight, she's either buttfuck ugly or just hustles harder than the rest. 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Peace.\"\n\nI lurched back to my hotel, wishing I had a gun to finish myself off the way I would've done it.",
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      "body": "Black Panther for woke adults has hit screens, and it's....ehh, decent. There was a lot I liked and a lot I didn't.\n\n![blackkklansman.0.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRGYpZMnx82wr6EYGP1PZJgVYn48A6qinW6MF7CQHnjsm/blackkklansman.0.jpg)\n\nThe opening and the first act were superb. Ron Stallworth is a black man who wants to be a cop in Colorado Springs. He rises in the ranks with confidence and ease, and this setup is great. One day he stumbles upon an ad for the Ku Klux Klan and asks for enlistment. His phone conversations with none other than David Duke are hysterical.\n\nBut once the investigation gets going, the movie starts to drag. There is pretty much no consistency among the small group of Klansters. They're all written as a bunch of village idiots, and as accurate as this may be, I never got the sense that they were truly evil. The same can be said of David Duke. Topher Grace portrays him like a befuddled professor, but still a total shit dip. \n\nSpike Lee seems to be going for a comedic tone, but if that was the case I think he could've injected way more humor into the proceedings. But it also could've been a thriller, and the scenes of \"suspense\" could've been better executed by making the Klan seem actually intimidating instead of a bunch of bumbleheads who don't know what they're doing.\nUnfortunately, I never felt like Adam Driver's character was really in any danger. The Klan members all seemed recycled from other movies about racists, and at a certain point the police work just stopped being interesting. And this is what I was most excited to see.\n\nOn the upside, the performances are pretty great all around. The only one I didn't like was the Panther girlfriend. Her only purpose seems to be to present an extra moral dilemma for Ron. We see that Ron is trying to be a different kind of black man than what his brethren would want him to be, and this SJW bitch ain't having it. I'm not sure if Lee was purposefully drawing comparisons between her idealistic brand of identity politics and that of the Klan. There's a scene where the Klan chants \"White power!\" and the Panthers chant \"Black power!\", and a few other scenes when I literally had no fucking idea what was being communicated. Lee's films can be confusing in their messages and that's what I like about them. But this time I didn't feel the stakes were high for the characters, like in Do the Right Thing.\n\nOf course, Spike's brash use of other movies to make his statements is always refreshing, and the bookends of this movie are both fantastic. I don't mind a movie being political as long as its entertaining, and this movie sometimes manages to be both. The main problems I had were with the story. Too many scenes drag and make the movie seem much longer than it needed to be. Overall, there was more I liked about this movie than I didn't, but it was also a bit disappointing. I give it a 6/10.",
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      "body": "Lol, nice \"2nd Ammendur\" imitation was great.  Thank you for posting about this.  Lol Rosanne retweet.  I posted talking about it earlier today too.  I have another one on the editing table now.  Subscribed man, great work!",
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