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      "body": "Congratulations @varahfae! You received a personal award!\n\n<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/70x70/http://steemitboard.com/@varahfae/birthday3.png</td><td>Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!</td></tr></table>\n\n<sub>_You can view [your badges on your Steem Board](https://steemitboard.com/@varahfae) and compare to others on the [Steem Ranking](https://steemitboard.com/ranking/index.php?name=varahfae)_</sub>\n\n\n###### [Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1) to get one more award and increased upvotes!",
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      "body": "Very nice. Life ia about having fun and not trying to hard when you are young. Be responsible, but not too much! Do what makes you happy with integrity. You are right, white lies are not dishonest. Go with your heart and never stop yoga! xxx",
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      "body": "<html>\n<h1>Why Is finding yourself so damn hard?</h1>\n<p><strong>All I want to know is what I want to do with my life. I just need to know what type of career I should be pursuing. I want to know if I’m on the right track. I don’t know if I want to be an artist, writer, have a career in IT. I don’t want to me stuck somewhere for the rest of my life and wishing I chose a different path. I thought I would be happy in IT but this new job is testing that. I’m not outgoing or aggressive like my parents and employers tell me to be. I definitely don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not for the rest of my life.I can’t remember the last time I was actually happy.</strong></p>\n<p>I mean, I’m <em>happy </em>whenever I’m with my boyfriend of course. And I <em>was happy</em> before I started middle school, <strong>before people started asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up.</strong> Then telling me <em><strong>I can be anything I want if I try hard enough and get good grades in school.</strong></em> After that happiness just kinda avoided me… I only found happened when I was trying to <em><strong>escape</strong></em>. Playing video games, listening to music, watching anime, reading, making long distance friends etc. Because I didn’t get good grades and <em><strong>my self-worth dropped because I wasn’t smart enough.</strong></em></p>\n<p>I’m sitting here googling <em>“questions to ask yourself to get to know yourself better”.</em> And all I can answer to most of these questions is <em><strong>“I don’t know.”</strong></em> I don’t know who I am. I don’t know my skills other than art, writing and computer skills. I’m not even confident with my art and writing skills. I know I would be more confident in IT but I’m not sure if I even want this career. I don’t know how I’m going to survive in this society. I’m already in debt from student loans. My credit is fucked because of my aunt. I suck at selling my art. I don’t even know what my art style or writer’s voice is. I don’t know how I feel most of the time.<strong>This is something I have to work on like right now. I have to answer these questions. I have to find myself. It will take time. I will have to be patient with myself.</strong>&nbsp;</p>\n</html>",
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      "body": "<html>\n<p>This is part of my \"Find Myself Project.\" For as long as I need to, I will be interviewing myself. Asking myself really important questions to get to know myself better. So I can understand what I really want in life sooner than later. I will be traveling alone for my 21st birthday. I don't know where I'm going yet or what I'm going to be doing. If I can afford it I will travel for two weeks or more but if not I will settle with one week. I want to go to a small peaceful town with art and science museums. I want to visit an aquarium and an observatory. I want to stargaze on top a mountain and do yoga on the beach. I want do a burlesque photoshoot and take a pole dancing class just because I can.&nbsp;</p>\n<p>I found these questions by googling \"questions to ask yourself to get to know yourself.\" I would like to hurry up and know myself but I know I need to take it slow.&nbsp;</p>\n<ol>\n  <li><em><strong>Your doctor calls. She informs you that you’ll be dead in six months. How does that change your life? How would you spend your remaining time on earth?</strong></em> I would definitely finish writing my time travel novel and publish it. If that’s the only thing I accomplish in life I wouldn’t mind at all. I would also like to visit Japan. All of Japan. With my boyfriend of course. Then for my last week I would spend it thanking my parents and family for giving me a wonderful life.</li>\n  <li><em><strong>You’ve just inherited $100,000,000. Now that money is no longer an issue, what do you do with your life? Bonus: how can you start doing that – even just a bit – today?</strong></em> First, pay off my debts. Second, Pay off my parent’s debts if they would want me to. Third, build the tiny house of my dreams. Fourth, buy land to park my tiny house with enough space for 20 other tiny houses. With a community garden and natural freshwater pool. I can start paying off my debt now. It will be hard but I have been working on it. Little buy little. And I have started designing my tiny house. I'm still figuring out what I <del><em>want </em></del><em><strong>need </strong></em>in it.</li>\n  <li><strong>Are you happy? If not, what do you think you need to be happy?</strong> I’m not happy with all aspects of my life. I need my own place and a career that I know I love. I don’t know what that is yet. I’m trying to figure it out. I am grateful for everything I have however. I'm grateful for my parents; their guidance, love, patience, acceptance and the times we spent together. I'm grateful for my boyfriend; his love, patience, advice and the times we spend together. I'm grateful for everyone that has ever taught me something; teachers, strangers, family, friends, employers and coworkers. Thinking about all those people that made me, <em>me</em>, makes me very happy.</li>\n  <li><strong>What lies have you been telling other people? What lies have you been telling yourself? Why?</strong> I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough. <em><strong>I am enough. I don't have to be enough for someone else. I just have to be enough for myself.</strong></em></li>\n  <li><strong>What would your perfect day look like?</strong> I wake up before the sunrise and do yoga on the beach. I make some breakfast for my boyfriend and me. Then I get shit done. I make some art and sell some art. I work on my writing.&nbsp;A day where I’m actually productive would be nice. A day where I write, paint, sell my art and make a stranger happy. Then I wind down by playing some video games and watching some anime.</li>\n  <li><strong>What do you hope people say about you at your funeral?</strong> I honestly don't care what people say about me when I'm gone. I want to be satisfied with my life and my accomplishments. Is that a bad thing? Should I want people to say specific thing about me at my funeral?</li>\n  <li><strong>What’s missing from your life? What can you do to get it?</strong> My freedom and discipline. I need to make a to-do list and stick to it. I need to set time to write and make art. I need to track my productivity. Focus on one task at a time. And <em><strong>Get Shit Done.</strong></em></li>\n  <li><strong>Have you ever felt fully loved by yourself or someone else? If the answer is no, what would it take for you to feel loved? Is something inside of you blocking that?</strong> I have never loved myself. I know I’m loved by my family and boyfriend. There are days where I love what I see in the mirror. And there are days where I can see every little flaw and hate myself. There are days where I’m proud of what I’ve done. And there are days where I’m mad at myself for not doing what I was supposed to do. I’m not sure if there is something inside me that’s blocking me from loving myself. But I do know that I pay too much attention to how others may think of me.</li>\n  <li><strong>In what areas of your life are you underestimating yourself</strong>? My art. I’m always saying my art isn’t good because I didn’t go to art school. I don’t have to go to art school. There are lots of resources online where I can learn to sharpen my art skills. I just need to know where to look and learn what works for me. And actually paint something every day.</li>\n  <li><strong>What gifts, talents or passions have you been hiding from yourself and the world? What can you do to start engaging them more often?</strong> Well, I can’t say my art and writing. I’ve been posting my art and writing all over the interwebs. I haven’t been sharing my love for science and astrophysics much. I love learning about how the universe works. I would love to be a cosmologist or astrophysicists. I’m not good at math, though. I can start by getting to know more people who are also into astrophysics and cosmology I guess. Maybe visit some colleges and talk to people in those fields.</li>\n  <li><strong>In what areas of your life are you out of integrity? How can you fix that? </strong>I’m not sure. I’m an honest person. Honest with myself and others. Mostly just tell little white lies to avoid hurting people. I'd rather not fix that because I don't want to hurt people. But I understand some people need brutal honesty.</li>\n</ol>\n</html>",
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      "body": "Thank you for saying that and reminding me I need to take it slow. I'm so anxious to get my life started because I see so many people my age with their shit together. I want so badly to be like them. I'm trying too hard and too fast to get to know myself.  I'm asking people \"how long did it take you to find yourself?\" \"when did you know your purpose in life?\" \"how did you find your dream job?\" like they would give me the answers I need to find myself. This is why I'm planning a self discovery vacay for my 21st birthday this November. I need to be alone with myself and my thoughts and chill for a week or two.",
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      "body": "<p>I often think about how similar solar systems are to human relationships. I see the sun as the human bond. The people as planets. The moons orbiting the planets are their lovers, new and old. The gravity of the human bond holds everyone in their relationships. The ones that are closest to the “sun” (human bond) are the best of friends and those friendships last forever. Or sometimes I think that a star could represent home and the planets orbiting are people that live together. The moons orbiting  the planets are like pets. In this situation, the moon’s can’t be lovers because they most likely live with their friends or family. And we form bonds with pets so I think it’s appropriate to have them as moons.</p>\n<p>I think about how people with no home of their own, the people who sleep with friends and/or at families houses but don’t have their own place, to be starless planets that wander throughout the universe either alone or with a pet/moon orbiting around them. I would be considered a starless planet. I don’t have my own house or apartment yet nor do I live with roommates. I’m still living with my family. Sometimes I sleep at my aunt’s townhouse, sometimes I sleep at my dad's apartment or like today I sleep at my mom's apartment.</p>\n<p>I see the universe as being just as violent as life here on earth. People killing each other. Planets crashing into each other. Stars exploding and destroying surrounding planets. Homes being destroyed by natural disasters. Sometimes I get lonely and I think about the universe and my place in it, Then I don’t feel so alone anymore. Because we are made of starstuff. And everything around us is made of starstuff. We are never alone. We have the whole universe around us.</p>\n<blockquote>“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”― Carl Sagan, Cosmos </blockquote>\n<p>Here is a random poem I wrote for my boyfriend. I just felt like sharing:</p>\n<p>Star Crossed Lovers</p>\n<p>I believe that we <br />\nwere born from the same nebula</p>\n<p>I believe that our love incubated <br />\nin that nebula for eons <br />\nuntil the earth and solar system <br />\nwas created</p>\n<p>I believe that we <br />\nwere born in the same year, <br />\naround the same months, <br />\nin the same state <br />\nbecause the Universe wants us to be together. </p>\n<p>I believe that when I first saw you <br />\nthat we are in fact soul mates <br />\nAnd we will be together forever <br />\nAnd we will grow together as one powerful entity</p>\n<p>I know I know. It was corny lol! But he loved it so that's all that matters.</p>",
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      "author": "varahfae",
      "body": "<p>I woke up with the desire to paint with my watercolors today. I had a lot of fun as always. I started off not knowing what I wanted to paint. I took my brush, saturated it with Phthalo Blue and went crazy. Some blue here, a little blue there, a dab of Sap Green with some Cad yellow to brighten it up. And again I surprised myself. I made 2 more paintings with this method pleased by what I painted today. </p>\n<p><img src=\"//i68.tinypic.com/282l310.jpg\" /></p>\n<p>After posting my art on Instagram I thought about what I should paint next. I want to take my art further than a few strokes of random colors. So I do what I usually do when I need inspiration. I stumble on Stumbleupon. I found artprompts.org. Now I have never been one to paint with a theme, object, or person. I feel freer when I don't have to paint something specific. Like when I'm painting abstract or space art. I love it so much because it's random. But after stumbling upon art prompts I thought maybe I should use this to further my art skills. Branch out and try something new and out of my comfort zone.</p>\n<p><img src=\"//i65.tinypic.com/2912lxg.jpg\" /></p>\n<p>I decided to make a challenge for myself. I will take an art prompt and paint or sketch something from it. Maybe even make a short story to go with it. I'll then share my process on Steemit and Instagram for all to see and criticize!</p>",
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      "body": "You are only 20 and yet, you have been pushed towards so many different things. I remember myself when I was your age. Shit, I was studying two different programs and not because I was smart as fuck (ok, I am smart but that really isn't a point here), but because I was completely clueless. Clueless about what I wanna do once I really grow up. Yep, you've read that right! I wasn't even close to full frown up person, that came maybe even 10 years later and thats fine. All I'm trying to say is; you don't have to figure out your entire life at the age of 20. Its perfectly ok not to know what you wanna do for at least couple of years more. Most importantly, don't let anybody convince you the time to choose is now or even better, now or never.  \nIts more important that you get to know yourself. Once you do that, it'll be much easier to make big decisions and chances are, those decisions will be the right ones.",
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      "body": "Thank you so much!\n:0)",
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      "author": "dev",
      "body": "It is just not about reading too many books. It is about application. \n\nThe book I recommended will give you many practical examples as to how the world has changed. In this new economy there is opportunity for everyone. \n\nAlso you are here on Steemit. It is a good start. Start creating value with your posts and get returns.\n\nOne must have financial knowledge to understand how money works. I would advice you to read the classic .... \"Rich Dad Poor Dad\".\n\nEnjoy your current life and time. You will not get that back. Keep your eyes, ears and mind open. You will spot opportunities as you go along. All the best.",
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      "author": "cryptosteem",
      "body": "Asking question is always welcomed in Islam and is a must to give answers, to ur best of knowledge, many Christine convert to Islam, for the same reason as u and get majority of they question, answered, plus there's never a need to confess ur private sins, to any human being, who breath the same air as u, u only confess ur sin to God alone.",
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      "author": "heretickitten",
      "body": "@@ -34,18 +34,18 @@\n lways he\n+a\n r\n-e\n .%0A%0AI thi\n",
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      "author": "varahfae",
      "body": "Thanks for the book recommendation. I you have more please tell  me. I'm currently reading As A Man Thinketh, The Law Of Success In 16 Lessons and Rich Habits.",
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      "author": "heretickitten",
      "body": "To be honest, that's not what I always here.\n\nI think there are some good reasons to believe, besides \"you must\".\nThat's the simple answer that a bored adult gives to a child. \n\nBut the reality is that there is logic to religion. I don't think it's true, but I don't think that the only reason to believe in a religion is \"you must\". I just know there's more to it. A desire to know the universe and why it exists and why we are here. Don't you think so too?",
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      "author": "varahfae",
      "body": "Since I was about 7 years of age I thought religion was bullshit. Stopped believing in it after asking why in  church and all the said was because you must. No thanks.",
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      "body": "You will need to be financially independent. I would recommend you to find a book called \"Choose Yourself\". \n\nIt is not the only source. But it will make you think. And...\n\n*Thinking is a start*",
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      "author": "varahfae",
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      "author": "varahfae",
      "body": "At the top right next to \"submit a story\" click the portrait then click on blog in the drop down menu . On this screen you will see all of your post. Click the title of the post you wish to edit or delete. Scroll to the bottom and in the right you should see \"reply\" \"edit\" and \"share\". Click edit and there you go.\n\nI don't believe there is a way to delete post but you can edit them. Hope this helps.",
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      "body": "<p>I never knew what I was born to do. I never woke up one day sure of what I wanted to be when I grew up. Most likely because everyone was pushing me to be what they wanted me to be. My dad pushing me to be an engineer.  One of my cousins pushing me to be a singer and the other pushing me into sports. My mom lecturing me about a long-term, practical careers. I remember in grade school I loved art class. The only class I was looking forward to. I took art again my sophomore year of high school. I was then nudged in the direction of game art and animation. Fueled by my love for playing games I thought it a fantastic idea to make games for a living. I graduated and went off to college but after 2 semesters I learned it was impossible for me to finish. I was scared of being in debt like my mom. </p>\n<p><br /></p>\n<p>So I came back home and my mom told me about an IT training program. I thought about a career working on computers but never learned on my own. The IT training program helped me get my Comptia A+ certification. And for a while, I was sure what I wanted to do. Then I realized that I'm not competitive enough to be in this field of work. I have to sell myself and my knowledge to potential employers. With a lot of practice, I can to it well but I'm not sure if I want that kind of life.</p>\n<p><br /></p>\n<p>I want to experience life in a little cabin in the woods next to a waterfall in the mountains. I want to sell beautiful paintings and write bestselling novels on my typewriter. I want to master how to hunt and fish and farm my own food. I don't want to fret about how safe my food is to eat. I don't want to live in an apartment. Or live in a house that I'm paying for until my kids have kids. I don't want to drive through traffic every day and work for hours. Then come home and make dinner. I want to hike and take breathtaking photos from mountain tops and valleys. I want to experience raw nature and stargaze from my bed at night.</p>\n<p><br /></p>\n<p>How do I get this life? Do I have to be rich and retire early? At 20 years old can I achieve this goal in 5-10 years? I think it's possible for me. I just need to get out of debt, find and buy land, and build my little cabin in the mountains next to a waterfall. It's hard work. I have to force myself to practice my art so I'm good enough to sell these paintings. And write every day so I can sell best-sellers. I have to go to work so I can get out of debt and save for my dream life. I have to remind myself not to get frustrated or stray off my path to happiness. And most of all I have to be determined. </p>",
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      "body": "Thank you.\nIts great you think that! It took me about 2 hours of planning,1 hour of writing and another hour of editing.",
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