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      "body": "![whispering.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmed6KBLCjMU25EzQUnwoLfTBX7ovk7eoZjK7R8EXtCvKs/whispering.jpg)\n\nHow many times have you been in a situation when a person's mouth said one thing, but everything else about them seemed to be saying something else?\n\nFor example, when you ask your boss if she has time to discuss a problem, and she looks at her watch, lets out a heavy sigh, and says, \"Uh, sure. Okay.\" Or, a customer comes to you with a problem and you think you have it resolved, but when you ask if he's satisfied, he says, \"Yes,\" but his face still looks really unhappy.\n\nWhen others are trying to communicate with us, they sometimes don't know what to say or how to say what they're really thinking or feeling. Alternatively, there are times when people are afraid to tell the truth. However, their true thoughts and true feelings don't just go away because they deny them with their words. They \"come out\" in other ways, such as through facial expressions, vocal qualities, or body language.\n\nSo what can we do about getting at the truth, at listening between the lines of what's being said and the truth? Here are three tips that will help!\n\nListen for the truth by paying attention to the speaker's word choice.\n\nFor example, there's a big difference between a customer saying, \"Yes, that will fix the issue for me,\" and saying, \"I guess . . . if that's all you can do.\"\n\nAsk questions to bring out the truth.\n\nIn the example above, when the customer says, \"I guess . . . if that's all you can do.\" Rather than saying, \"Okay, great,\" say, \"It sounds like this might not be what you want. What can I do to make this right for you?\n\nAsk for clarification when a person's nonverbal communication contradicts his or her words.\n\nWhen your boss says she has time to talk, but hesitates when she does so and looks at her watch with a concerned expression, it might be best to say, \"It seems like now might not be the best time for you. What would be a better time for me to come by?\"\n\nWhile there's no magic mind-reading pill you can take to listen to the thoughts and feelings people are unwilling or unable to state, these strategies will help you to help others share the truth. In fact, in many instances, you'll see and hear their \"relief\" when they realize that you've gotten the message they really wanted to share.\n\nWhat other strategies do you have for \"listening between the lines?\" Comment and share them here!",
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      "body": "I recently hired a contractor to do some work at my house. He was supposed to arrive at 10 am on Wednesday. At about 9:45 I closed my cats up in the bedroom and put my dogs in their crates, anticipating his arrival. 10 am came and went. Then it was 10:20. I called him to ask when he was arriving and he began to tell me how two of his workers just \"fell off the radar\" the day before and he hadn't been able to get in touch with them. Apparently they were the ones who were supposed to come to my house that day. He'd spent the morning trying to find replacements, but couldn't find anyone. So he said, \"I have a small job I have to do this morning, so can I come by your place this afternoon about 3 pm, or could we make it tomorrow?\"\n\n![contractor-who-didnt-keep-me-in-the-loop-300x234.jpg](https://steemitimages.com/DQmPjbhSYgbUwfez3RwCPrwLQRb1JkPfK7AwJV2zRBqymwd/contractor-who-didnt-keep-me-in-the-loop-300x234.jpg)\n\nI'm sorry, but was I wrong to be upset? Here it was, well after 10 am and he knew YESTERDAY there was a problem. Why didn't he let me know, or at least call me sooner that morning? I was aggravated and upset not only because he hadn't told me, but because now he expected me to change my plans for the day to accommodate him (not to mention that my dogs had been locked up for no reason.)\n\nAnd guess what- that's EXACTLY how your employees are when YOU don't keep them in the loop about things going on in your organization!\n\nI know there are times when you don't want to share certain information because it's incomplete or because it will be upsetting. However, when you frequently leave employees out of the loop it creates anger, frustration, fear, and unnecessary anxiety. As a result, your employees are disengaged and distracted by knowing that something's up, but not really knowing what it is. In fact, a recent BetterWorks' Employee Sentiment Survey found that 37% employees believed that greater visibility of company and employee goals would spur their performance and 92% of employees said they'd work harder if their co-workers could see their goals. It's all about transparency.\n\nIf you need further motivation, here are 5 more reasons why it's best to keep employees in the loop.\n\n1. Employees who are kept in the loop can help you identify potential roadblocks to changes, new policies, or procedures.\n2. Employees who are kept in the loop can help you more successfully implement changes because they're intimately familiar with their jobs and how something new or different will impact them.\n3. Employees who are in the loop are less likely to spread gossip and guesses.\n4. Employees who are given a heads up have more time to process a change, especially when you share the rationale for the change. As a result, when it comes time for the change to happen, even a negative one, employees will respond more effectively.\n5. Employees who are kept in the loop, even when things are bad,  have a higher level of trust in their management and organization, than those who are \"protected\" from bad news.\n\nWhat other benefits of keeping employees in the loop would you add to this list? Comment and let us know!",
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      "body": "I recently received an email from a manager asking for help. She works in a medium-sized organization and struggles with delegation, even when the things she's delegating are in her employees' job descriptions. She feels guilty and finds herself apologizing for asking or reminding people to do their jobs. I can tell you she's not alone. Every week I come across leaders in corporations, non-profit organizations, and even community groups who are basically afraid to tell people what to do. They're afraid of appearing, rude, bossy, and controlling and in instances when leading volunteers, they often don't feel they have the right to tell others what to do.\n\nIf you struggle with being afraid to tell people what to do, here are some tips for overcoming your fears.\n\n1. Realize that people might APPRECIATE role clarification and expectations.\n\nRather than looking at it as \"telling people what to do,\" think about the fact that you're just clarifying their duties and expressing their importance. You're also making your expectations and requirements clear. Without this clarity, people become confused, frustrated, and unproductive. I'd rather someone tell me, \"Hey, I need you to be doing X,\" than to spend my day working on Y only to find out that wasn't needed.\n\n2. Make communicating with others a routine.\n\nIf I have a formal or informal leader who routinely makes time to ask what I've accomplished, what goals I have on my \"to do,\" list, and what struggles I'm facing, it won't seem awkward or out-of-the-ordinary for him or her to drop by and check in. Where it becomes awkward is when communication is infrequent and a leader only checks in when something's wrong.\n\n3. Stop feeling guilty for holding people accountable. \n\nI think the feeling of \"guilt\" some people have in telling others what to do stems from a couple of places. First, it's our upbringing that says we're impolite or bossy when we tell people what to do. Second, it's this mistaken belief that many managers have that employees know their jobs and shouldn't have to be reminded to do them. Finally, I believe the biggest thing that causes guilt or fear is the reaction of employees themselves. Whether it's a heavy sigh, joking comment about an overflowing plate, or tears, many people have learned to manipulate others with negative reactions when they hear something they don't want to hear.\n\nA manager who gets the eye roll and heavy sigh from the employee he's just reminded about a job duty, will often think twice about addressing the issue again because of the employee's response. Don't allow this type of manipulation to stop you from holding others accountable. If need be, talk with the employee about his or her response and then address its merit.\n\nFor more helpful information about leadership communication, check out my virtual training programs here: http://www.amy-castro.com/v-training/",
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